The
following is a transcript of a recording taken at Aragorn Air Force Reserve
station, by Ssgt Joe Robinson, at the Goblin Accounting Office, August 15,
2010.
[Scraping noises as I slide my recorder across the
desk toward the subjects.]
G1: “Get that thing away from me.”
ME: “It’s just a recorder.”
G1: [pause]
“What the hell for?”
ME: “I’m Joe Robinson. I’m a reporter from the Stars and Stripes. I called you yesterday. We’re interviewing participants in the new
military de-segregation program. I
cleared all this with Lienutnant Jones and Chief Gurg.”
[long pause]
ME: “Do you still want to do this interview?”
G1: [sigh] “Yuh-yuh. Long as chief know.”
ME: “Okay, so start off by telling me your name.”
G1: “Shigrit.”
ME: “Shigrit?”
SHIGRIT:
“You got problem with that? You make
some kind of joke, pink-face?”
ME: “No, I just want to make sure I’m saying it
right. How do you spell that?”
SHIGRIT:
“Like it sounds. You know how to spell, yuh?”
ME: “Do you have a last name?”
SHIGRIT:
“Shigrit Blood-Vole.”
ME: “Blood-Vole?
Is that your clan name?”
SHIGRIT:
“Yeah.”
ME: “Ok, tell us about what you do.”
SHIGRIT:
“Uuh…this is Goblin Accounting Office.
We keep track of treasury. Everything
you want, from paperclip to stealth drone…it come through us. All of it.”
ME: “Sounds interesting.”
SHIGRIT:
“Nyeh, nyeh. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it is job. It is good
job, but I signed on with military so I pay for college.”
ME: “But you’re getting job experience.”
SHIGRIT:
“Sure, sure.”
ME: “What kinds of challenges do you face being a
goblin in today’s military?”
SHIGRIT:
“Uh, you know.” [snorrt] “Sorry, I got
cold.” [snooooorrrrt]
ME: “Would you like a Kleenex?”
SHIGRIT:
“What?”
ME: “To blow your nose? There’s a box on the desk there.”
SHIGRIT:
“Nyeh, don’t worry.” [snoorrrt-snort] “I never use those. What was question?”
ME: “What kinds of challenges—”
SHIGRIT:
“Oh yeah! Well, you know. Usual stuff.
Why would goblin go to college? I
get that a lot. I mean just because you
are goblin they expect you to be lazy, cowardly…that sort of thing. I have dreams, too, you know.”
ME: “What do you want to study?”
SHIGRIT:
[pause] “Goblin stuff.”
ME: “Goblin stuff?
What’s that?”
SHIGRIT:
“It is mind your own damn business, that is what.”
ME: “Hang on.
The point of this interview was to get to know the goblins. We’re trying to break down walls, not build
them up.”
SHIGRIT:
“Meh.”
ME: “Do you want to continue?”
SHIGRIT:
“Yuh-yuh, as long as chief says. Beats working.”
ME: “So what do you want to study in college?”
SHIGRIT:
“Why you keep asking that question? What
does college have to do with military?
Ask me question about work. This work, the work that I do.”
ME: “I’m just trying to keep it real. I mean, we’re not all gung-ho, GI Joe, are
we? We all have dreams—aspirations, if
you will—outside of military life.”
SHIGRIT:
“Ask different question.”
ME: “Um, okay…”
[a
second goblin voice butts in (loud) close to the mic]
G2: “He wants to study dance!” [snigger]
SHIGRIT:
“Shut it, pig face!” [A chair scrapes
across the floor. Something falls over
with a crash.]
G2: [voice
echoes from across the room] “He tell me!
He got drunk last weekend, he tell me!”
SHIGRIT:
“Va gala hootu! I said shut it!”
G2: [sniggering]
ME: “Is this true?”
SHIGRIT:
“You going to clean that up, fart-eater.
When chief sees that, it is your ass—not mine.”
[Long argument in Goblin-speek
between Shigrit and the other goblin.]
ME: “Shigrit?”
G2: [Sounds
like swearing.]
SHIGRIT:
“That’s right, I tell Chief! Then we see
who is laughing.”
ME: “Shigrit?”
SHIGRIT:
“What?”
ME: “Can we continue?”
SHIGRIT:
[sigh] “Yeah.” [The
chair scrapes across the floor again.]
ME: “Well that’s cool, man. You’re studying dance, I’m cool with
that. What kind of dance?”
G2: “Ballet!
Woooo-oooooo!”
SHIGRIT:
“You wanna eat your teeth? Shut it!”
G2: [singing] “Wooo-ooooo-hooooo.”
ME: “Are you going to study ballet?”
[long pause]
SHIGRIT:
“I tell you something I never tell anybody, eh?
You don’t put this on your web-page-whatever-thing, panyes?”
ME: “Hey, man, I won’t tell. Scout’s honor.”
SHIGRIT:
“What is that—what is…scout’s honor?”
ME: “It’s a…it’s just something that we say. It means that I promise not to tell.”
SHIGRIT:
“You better not. If you tell, I have Chief
Gurg come an’ he find you, and he break your kneecaps, panyes? Both of them!”
ME: “Sure, I understand. This is strictly off the record.” [Scraping
sound as I slide the recorder away from the subject.]
SHIGRIT:
“I take modern jazz.”
ME: “That’s awesome. I have two daugh—er, I know two people who
are into that. I think it’s great
stuff.”
G2: [huffs]
“You’re a pyosset.”
SHIGRIT:
“Your father is a pyosset, and your
mother rides on top. Shut up, or by Urok
I flatten your nose!”
ME: “Look, if he likes dance I can respect that,
whether it’s jazz or ballet or hip-hop.”
SHIGRIT:
“Gah!
My friends, they do hip-hop.
Break-dance. They look like…like cloonz…how you say it?”
ME: “Clowns?”
SHIGRIT:
“Yeah, clowns. They think they bad-ass.”
ME: “Well, that’s cool. If you like modern jazz, I’m cool with that. Do you plan on becoming a dancer?”
SHIGRIT:
“I don’t know. I take classes, I see
where it goes. Maybe I try out for play,
and get part.”
G2: [sniggering]
ME: “I know someone who can get you an audition
with Tops in Blue, you ever heard of them?”
SHIGRIT:
“Nyeh.”
ME: “They’re an entertainment showcase sponsored
by the Air Force. They do all kinds of
musical numbers, dancing, too. They tour
all over the world. Would you like
that?”
SHIGRIT:
“You do that for me?”
ME: “Sure, man.”
SHIGRIT:
“You all right. You all right.”
G2: “Skeelgah.”
ME: “Hey, can I ask your friend some questions?”
SHIGRIT:
“Pish! Go right ahead.”
ME: “Hey, you mind if I ask you a few questions?”
G2: “Sure, pink-face. Ask away.”
ME: “Well, for our readers why don’t you tell us a
little about yourself. Start with your
name.”
G2: “Bugger!”
ME: “Bugger?”
SHIGRIT:
“That is not name. Don’t listen to
him. He is being rude.”
ME: “I can call you Bugger if that’s what you
want. You want me to call you Bugger?”
G2: “My name is Greenskin, pink-face.”
ME: “Greenskin, that’s better. So, Greenskin, how do you like the
military? Do you think this new
integration program is working?”
G2: “Ack! Thptptptpht! That is what I think!”
SHIGRIT:
“He has got farts for brains. Do not
listen to him.”
ME: “Okay, well that’s—”
[end transcription]
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