Sunday, March 25, 2012

Strawbery Banana Split

When I'm not writing I like to make ice cream.  I make all kinds of stuff.  Once you know the basic ingredients (your sweet cream base), it's pretty much whatever you're in the mood for.  I call this one Strawberry Banana Split:
  • 2 large eggs
  • 3/4 cup of sugar
  • 1 tsp vanilla extract
  • 2 cups whipping cream
  • 1 cup of milk
  • 1/2 overripe banana
  • 5 strawberries
  • 2 tablespoons of semi-sweet mini chocolate chips
  • 1 tsp lemon juice
Makes one quart.


Start with the eggs, whipping them till they are a creamy yellow.  Throw in the sugar and vanilla.  Whip some more.  Then add the cream and milk.  Whip some more.  This is your sweet cream base.

Using a fork, mash the strawberries and bananas together.  Add in the lemon juice.  Lemon juice brings out the flavor of any fruit.  I used a food processor when I did this, and I wouldn't recommend it.  The blades can break open the strawberry seeds and give your ice cream a slightly bitter aftertaste.  :-P

When you've got it all mashed together, mix it into your sweet cream base.  Throw in the chocolate chips.  Don't use full-sized chocolate chips. They get hard as a rock when they freeze, and you'll crack a tooth.

Pour it into the freezer and freeze.

Serve with almond slivers and marachino cherries.

MMMMMMM.  Ice cream.

No back to writing.  Hope you feel inspired!

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Understanding the New Publishing Market

The advent of eReaders has changed the publishing landscape for good. Everyone is struggling to understand just what this means, but a trend is beginning to develop. Here is what it means for the next three to five years.

For a while now I’ve been suspicious about two things:
  1. As a self-published author, if you can meet or exceed the same kinds of sales figures that a traditional publisher would require, then they WILL notice you and be interested. 
  2. Even if you land a contract with a traditional publisher, you have the same amount of work to find your readers and market your work.

Everyone knows that #2 is true. Even still, I couldn’t believe #1 until I had multiple editors tell me to my face that they had—in recent months—signed contracts with writers who were previously self-published.

So really, what’s the difference whether I self-publish or not?

  1. Other writers will stick their noses up at me.
  2. Being traditionally published lends a certain amount of credibility that my work has met a minimum bar of quality.
  3. A publisher will set me up with lots of great marketing opportunities.
Let’s address these one by one.

First, you need to get over what others think about you. If people are reading your stuff, that’s really all that matters. That’s the bottom line. Period. Have you ever heard the phrase, “the customer is always right?” Success talks. Your readers know if you’ve got the goods. You have no control what other writers think. So focus on your craft. Focus on doing your best work. Write consistently and write often. Focus on understanding your target audience and building a connection with your readers. Focus on finishing your books and getting the word out.

You were told that as an aspiring writer you’d need a thick skin. This hasn’t changed, and it never will.

Second, if a publisher prints something, does that make it inherently better than something independently written by me or you? Maybe a little, but consider this. Few books these days ever get reviewed by a copy editor. Anyone who has been traditionally published will tell you that. You can meet or exceed that bar on your own if you have at least two beta readers who are willing to line-edit. If not, then you can always hire an editor.

And what about story quality? Do you really think editors are infallible here? When was the last time you took a look at the bargain bin at the local grocery store?
Do you know who I think is the ultimate judge of quality? Readers. Honestly, does anything else matter?

That said, would I ever consider taking a contract with a traditional publisher? That depends on a lot of things, but the general answer is YES! A traditional publisher can get you into a lot of markets that you will never reach. A good agent will maximize your success with foreign rights and subsidiary rights, and help you get an audio book made, and all that other juicy stuff. But this time you will have LEVERAGE. You will have a proven track record for success, which gives you negotiating power. Just remember to be professional. You can never afford to be a jerk.

So now the game has changed. Think of Amazon and Smashwords as the new slush pile. Here is how this is going to play out. It’s easy:

  1.  Step 1. You write a book. Make it enjoyable. Do the very best you can with story, character, and style.
  2. Step 2. Get input from some friends—your beta readers. If they don’t like it then do some revision, or go back to step #1 and write a different book.
  3. Step 3. Keep doing 1 and 2 until you have something they really like.
  4. Step 4. At the same time, learn to blog. Learn the ins and outs of social networking. Learn to connect with other readers and other writers. Help promote their work and become part of the community.
  5. Step 5. When you have a finished book, have someone edit it. Get someone to do cover art. Get someone to do layout. Or, you can do this stuff yourself; many people do. It’s up to you.
  6. Step 6. Publish on Amazon. Publish on Smashwords.
  7. Step 7. Go back to step #1 and repeat. Learn to balance step 1 and step 4. Set goals and pace yourself.
  8. Step 8. Continue networking with the traditional side of the industry. If a traditional publisher offers you a contract, make darn sure you aren’t signing away your ePublishing rights. And never, ever trust an agent unless they treat you with respect and they’re willing to actually read your work.
Who will determine whether or not you are successful?

  1. You. You will never be successful unless you sit down and do it. You will never be successful unless you believe in yourself, and that you can produce quality work. That has never changed, and never will.
  2. Your readers. Readers are your life-blood. If you are producing quality material, then your success is limited only by your ability to connect with people, and convert them into readers. That’s the one thing that will remain constant no matter what route you take.
I read a blog post by Kerry Wilkinson, who recently shot to the top of the charts. I suggest you go through it, yourself. (

Here’s a quote:

“I've read a few articles predicting the end of the traditional publishing industry and don't really agree with it. What I suspect will happen is that the industry will pick up on the type of methods people like myself use and adapt them into their own business models. I guess the key thing is how quickly they can do that.”

Here’s a really insightful blog post by Jon F. Merz. Jon has published several books traditionally, and has recently switched to ePublishing. His story is very compelling:

Here’s some stats from author John Brown’s blog:


Friday, March 9, 2012

Eleven Deadly Pills, and One Placebo

I got asked this question in an interview when I went to work for Microsoft as an intern in 1997.  You've probably heard the version with nine pills, and the safe one is heavier.  What if there were twelve pills and you don't know if the safe one is lighter or heavier?
*   *   *

The Story:
There once was a wise scholar of an ancient land who commited a grave offense against the king, and was sentenced to death. The king, in an attempt to put the scholar's wisdom to the ultimate test, devised an ingenious riddle.

He gave the scholar 12 tiny pills. He was told that 11 of these pills were the deadliest poison, so mortal that upon taking one a man would die in seconds. The 12th pill was a mere placebo, and was completely harmless.

The scholar was also given a simple balance scale, where he might weigh the pills against each other. He was told that all the poison pills were of the exact same weight, but that the placebo weighed differently from them all. He had only THREE tries to find the placebo and live.

Things that you can assume:
1. The difference in weight of each pill is too small to descern by touch.
2. There is absolutely no way to tell by looking at the pills which one is the placebo

There are a number of solutions to this problem. The easiest way to explain the approach is to imagine that each pill has a letter, so you can keep track of them.

Step 1:
The objective on your first try is to rule out as many pills as you can. Weigh A+B+C+D against E+F+G+H. If they do NOT balance then go to step 2. If they DO balance, then that means A through H are all poison, and your placebo is one of I, J, K, or L.

For your second try weigh I+J against A+B, which you know are both poison.
1. If they balance then you know the placebo is K or L. Weigh K against A. If K versus A balances, then L is the placebo. If they don’t balance then the placebo is K.
2. Otherwise, the placebo is I or J. Weigh I versus A. If they balance then the placebo is J, otherwise it’s I.

Step 2:
Okay, let’s take a close look at what we know. If the pill was heavy then it will be on the side that dropped. If the pill was light then it will be on the side that rose. Your next step must accomplish two objectives. You must find out if the placebo is heavier or lighter, and you must eliminate as many pills as you can. You’re going to have to get creative.

Take note of which side was heavier in step 1. Split the heavy side into two groups of two each. Next, pick any two pills from the lighter side and add one to each of the groups you made from the heavier side.

When you’re done you’ll have three groups of pills. For example, assume the left side was heavier. Your first group will have A+B+E. Your second group will have C+D+F. Your last group will be G+H.

Weigh A+B+E against C+D+F. If they do NOT balance then go to step 3. If they DO balance then your placebo is either G or H.

For your final try, weigh G against A. If G and A balance then the placebo is H, otherwise it’s G.

Step 3:
Time to dust off your skills of logical deduction. Look at which side was heavier in step 2. If A+B+E was heavier then it means that either A+B was a heavy placebo, or that F (in the right-side pan) was a light placebo. Weigh A against B. If they balance then F is the placebo. Otherwise the heavier one of either A or B is the placebo.

Otherwise, if C+D+F is heavier then it means that either C+D was a heavy placebo or that E was a light placebo. Weigh C+D. If they balance then E is the placebo. Otherwise the heavier one of either C or D is the placebo.

The key is to always pick the two from the heavier side in step 1

Example 1:
Let’s suppose F is a heavy placebo.
1. We weigh A-D against E-H. The right side is heavy.
2. We take E+F+A and weigh it against G+H+B. E+F+A sinks.
3. We weigh E against F (remember always to pick the heavy ones from step 1). We see that F is heavier, and that’s the one.

Example 2:
Let’s suppose B is a light placebo.
1. We weigh A-D against E-H. The right side is heavy, again.
2. Weigh E+F+A against G+H+B. E+F+A sinks.
3. Weigh E against F. They balance, so we know that it was the pill from the light side in step 2. That’s B

Example 3:
Suppose A is a light placebo:
1. We weigh A-D against E-H. The right side is heavy, again.
2. Weigh E+F+A against G+H+B. G+H+B is heavier.
3. Weigh G against H. They balance, so we go to the odd pill in the light pan from step 2. That’s A.

Monday, March 5, 2012

Medieval Gems for Writers: Did Medieval Houses Have Chimneys

It’s not uncommon to pick up a novel with a medieval setting and hear a description of a cottage with rooms, a loft, lots of furniture like chairs and beds, windows, and a large fireplace with a chimney. Most of us in modern times find it hard to imagine a house without all these trappings. Is that the way it was?

Probably not.

Pick your culture, time period, and social class.
Your story will have more presence if you try and base the cultural setting upon a specific time period and a specific nationality. For example, Tolkien relied heavily on Anglo-Saxon and Scandinavian history. His writing is rife with Old English words and phrases, early Germanic customs, poetry, architecture, etc.

For the purposes of this article I’ll focus on what I know about the Germanic peoples. This includes the Scandinavians, the Germans, the Franks, and the Anglo-Saxons. All of these peoples were related at one time. They originated from what is modern-day Norway, Sweden, Denmark, Holland, and the Netherlands.

I wish I knew more about the Celtic peoples (Gauls, Britons, Picts, etc.), but they had the unfortunate habit of never writing anything down. Everything we know about them we get either through the archaeological record or from second-hand accounts written by Romans, who tended to look down on everyone around them.

There is no firm dividing line in European history as a whole. The early middle ages (the Dark Ages, as some people call it) began around 500AD, and lasted till 1100AD. The high middle ages began sometime around then, and lasted until the Renaissance. The Renaissance began in Italy in the 1300s but didn’t reach England until the 1600s.

Houses and Buildings
You must remember that life in the early middle ages (what some people call the Dark Ages) revolved around the farm. Everyone farmed, from the rich to the poor. The central building on a farm was the hall. This was more or less a really large hut. It was usually long and rectangular. In earlier times it housed animals at one end and people at the other. In slightly later times people had out-buildings where they smoked meat, stored food, kept animals, and even lived. However, the principal building was always the Hall. This is where the lord and his family slept, as well as the lord’s fighting men, his slaves, and anyone else who had sworn to serve him.

Halls could get quite crowded.

Every lord named his hall. The hall of King Hrothgar in Beowulf was called Heorot. Heorot is the Old English word for a hart, which is a male red deer (the female being called a roe). In Lord of the Rings, Théoden, king of Rohan named his hall Meduseld. In Old English, Meduseld literally means “mead-hall”.

The best authors never invent. They’re just really clever about what they copy. When authors invent, we end up with things like sparkly vampires.

Another feature of the hall was the sacred oak. Before they became Christianized, Germanic lords commonly built their hall near a great oak tree. This was a central feature in the yard in front of the hall. This was discontinued in the late 700s as Charlemagne pushed into modern-day Germany and literally forced everyone to become Christian.

You’ll hear a lot of people saying that early Anglo Saxon houses were basically a square pit with a roof over it. Here’s an example of one.

We know this couldn’t have worked because the thatch would quickly rot away, and the house itself would have been very damp. We do know that the Saxons built structures like this, but it is more likely that they were cellars, or perhaps workshops.

Cruck-built houses were very common. A cruck is a curved frame that is carved from the trunk and a single large branch from an oak tree. It has an arched shape. Here is a picture of a cruck-framed house.

In earlier times the posts were buried in the ground. However any structure that they wanted to last would have been set on a stone foundation of some sort. If you’ve ever put up a fence in your back yard you know that your posts rot away quickly unless they’re set in concrete.

Roofing varied from region to region. In England it was nearly always thatch. They did have wooden roofs made of flat planks, but those were more expensive. In Scandinavia they used shingles. It really depends on what building materials are easiest to come by and easiest to work with.

Chimneys and fireplaces were not in use until the high middle ages--around 1200 at the earliest. And even then they were only found in stone castles.  It’s hard to know exactly when they came into general use in peoples' houses. I’m guessing that they were common by the 1500s.

So what did people from earlier times do? One theory is that they built a large hole in their roof directly above the hearth. The obvious problem with that idea is that it would have let in the rain. I have to wonder if they didn’t have a way of covering the hole with a louver or a flap that they could adjust and keep propped open with a long pole.

A much better theory is that they put the smoke-hole at each end of the roof. Here is a picture of a Scandinavian hall from Wikipedia. You can see the smoke holes.

Without a chimney you can imagine that the rafters got all sooty. This is how they cured meats, by the way.

Romans built out of stone, but the Germanic people seldom did. Monasteries and abbeys were built of stone. Churches were sometimes built out of stone. However, no one else did anything with stone until the 1200s. The reason? Trees were in abundant supply, and wood is so much easier to work with than rocks.

Walls were made of wattle and daub. Wattle is made primarily made from split hazel rods. You take a hazel tree, cut off all the big branches so that it looks like a tall stump. After a year it will grow long whip-like rods that can be split and woven into a lath. See “pollarding” in Wikipedia. People planted hazel trees close together and pruned them like this so that they grew into a dense hedge. Fences and animal pens were also commonly woven from wattle.

Daub is an aggregate material made from wet soil, clay, sand, animal dung (eeeew), and straw. To make a wall of wattle and daub, you make a wattle panel that fits into the space you want to fill, then smear (or daub) this special mud over it. It lasts for quite a while and it insulates well.

Another building material was turf. They used this in Iceland and in places where trees were scarce. Turf walls are thicker. It insulates well against heat in the summer and cold in the winter.

Inside the building, the wall could be paneled or lined with wainscoting. They also hung tapestries, furs, shields, and all manner of weapons.

Again, stone was rare before the 1200s. Stone or tile floors were not seen in the early middle ages. Until that time, floors were of two types.

The first type was packed earth. It would not be uncommon to cover the floor with straw mixed with sweet-smelling herbs. I imagine it got swept out and replaced often, otherwise the trash and accumulated filth would attract all manner of vermin. This type of flooring was common especially among the poorer class throughout the early middle ages.

A second type of floor was in use during the later Anglo Saxon period. It was mad of wooden planks set on joists. Below this floor would be a pit that could be used as cold storage.

Germanic halls quite often had a raised wooden platform that ran the length of the hall. They could set up tables so that the platform was used as a bench. At night they took down the tables and slept on the platform.

Windows were unheard of in early medieval times, even among the rich. When windows did come into use, they had no glass and were closed off with shutters. The Anglo Saxons had windows with glass before 1066. Their windows were long and vertical, with a triangular arch at the top. The rest of Europe had glass windows by 1200.

Other common window materials were vellum or horn. These could keep the weather out and let a little light in.

The hearth was all important in nearly every culture. Fire is very hard to start by hand, so the hearth was kept burning year-round. This is where you cooked. This is where you ate. This is what kept your house lit at night. This is how you stayed warm in the winter.

The hearth was always placed in the middle of the main room. There were no fireplaces until the high middle ages. If your floor was made of packed earth, then the hearth was a fire-pit lined with stones. If your floor was wood then the hearth was set in a hole in the floor, or it was built of a stone box that was set on the floor.

Here is a picture of Beorn's Hall from The Hobbit, drawn by J.R.R. Tolkien.  I've taken the liberty of pointing out the various features that I've talked about so far in this blog.

Furniture was sparse. Chairs were rare, people mostly sat on stools or benches. If you sat in a chair, you were a lord or you were in a position of considerable authority. This is how the word “chairman” came to be.

Trestle tables were very common, and were used throughout the middle ages. A trestle is a stand, like a saw-horse. You take two of these and lay a long board across it, and there you have a table. To make it look nice you could throw an embroidered table cloth over it. When you need more space you can take it apart and store it somewhere else. Very practical.

As an interesting side-note, the word board originally meant a table. A “board room” is a conference room with a long table. A “board of directors” is a group of elected representatives in charge of a company. The person in charge is called the “chairman of the board”.

Another common furniture item was the chest. These came in all styles and sizes. You could store things in them, and you could use them as a bench or a stool.

There were undoubtedly shelves, but cupboards were probably not seen until later periods. People hung things from hooks that dangled from the rafters.

There is a lot of debate as to whether or not people in early medieval times owned beds. Early Germanic peoples slept together in a large hall, and for the most part they slept on blankets, furs and fleeces. The floors of most houses were strewn with rushes, which were swept out and replaced regularly. I can’t imagine anyone wanting to sleep on that.

Ultimately what you pick to put in your story is up to you.  However, the less you invent, the more authentic your setting will feel.

Here are some of the references I used for this blog. One of my favorite sites is Regia Anglorum. They have a ton of stuff about the Anglo Saxon period. Also, never underestimate Wikipedia, but make sure you get a second opinion any time you decide to use something found there.