Forgefire

Getting Rid of Unwanted Calls, Once and for All

2011-05-20T20:21:00.000-07:00

If you’re like me, the first thing you did when you signed up with the phone company was to head over to www.DoNotCall.gov, and entered your phone number into the national don’t-bother-me registry.

That will take care of most telemarkerters, except:
1. Charities, of which there seem to be no end.
2. Businesses with whom you are already a client.
3. Political calls.
4. Telemarketers who simply ignore the list.

So it’s sort of addressed the problem, but you still get unwanted calls.

One solution is to get a call zapper. This is a little black box you insert into your phone line. It’s supposed to send some kind of operator-signal when a telemarketer calls that will make the telemarketer think that your phone number is disconnected.

Cool, eh? Well if you have an answering machine or voicemail service, I can tell you how to do the same thing—absolutely free.

Special Information Tones

Have you ever dialed a number that was disconnected and heard three beeps, the first one low, the next one high, and the last one higher? That’s called a Special Information Tone (SIT). SIT tones were created because automated dialing equipment like modems, and network call detector/classifiers simply cannot decipher between a live answer or a recording, or what is said in a recorded announcement.

There are eight SIT tones in all. It turns out that one of them means “Number changed or disconnected.”

So how do you use this? Simple, really. You make an answering machine message that has this particular SIT tone at the beginning, then record your regular message.

When you get a call, you check your caller ID. If it says “private name, private number”, then you let your answering machine get it. The answering machine plays “beep beeeep BEEEP I’m sorry, I’m not available to take your call right now. Please leave a message after the tone.”

With me so far?

Let me tell you, this works. Right after I set up my answering machine I got an automated call from the Salt Lake County library that one of the books I had on hold was available. The computer never left a message—it just hung up. When I went to pick up my book, the system told me that the number it had on file was invalid and I needed to file a new number. (It still let me check out my book, though).

Sweet.

Since then I’ve gotten several political calls and charities. I just let the answering machine get it.

Setting it all up.

So, you can get ahold of a recording of a SIT tone. Go to Wikipedia and look up “Special information tones”. That will take you to the page you want. Next, scroll down to the list of example SIT recordings. The one you want is called “Intercept”, about half-way down the list. If you press the play button you can hear it.

Download the file and save it on your computer.

Next, you’ll need a sound editor. There are a number of good ones on the web. The one I like best is called GoldWave. You'll ned one that will allow you to splice two sounds together. It should also be able to play .ogg files.

Load up the SIT tone in your sound editor. Make a second recording of whatever greeting message you want. “You have reached the Abbott residence, but we are unable to get to the phone right now. Please leave your name and number after the meeep.”

When you splice the two sounds together, you’ll want about a half-second gap of silence, so people can hear your recording better. You’ll also want to adjust the volume of your recording so it is about as loud as the SIT tones.

You do not want to have the SIT tones loud and have your voice soft, or your friends will think your phone got disconnected! Play with the volume on your voice recording until it is about as loud as the SIT recording.

When you’re ready, you’ll have to move your answering machine close to your computer speaker—I mean really close, or the recording won’t be loud enough. You’ll want to play back the recording from your answering machine until it sounds loud enough that you can hear it completely.

That’s really all there is to it.

Downsides

You might want to warn your friends and family, just to be on the safe side. When people call you and the answering machine gets it, there will be a moment of confusion when they hear the error tones.

You might miss important messages that way, like when the library calls you about that overdue book, or the bank wanting to tell you that someone has swiped your credit card number and wants to buy a new 60” TV.

There are no perfect solutions to the telemarketer conundrum. This technique works, but there are downsides. Use this knowledge at your own discretion.

Spain, Cartagena

2010-09-24T21:31:00.000-07:00

Friday, September 17, 2010
Plaza Mayor, and Placio Real
Today’s adventure started with an excursion through the streets of Madrid. The first place we saw was El Plaza Mayor. My feet were killing me and we were pushed for time, so I didn’t take any pictures. We met a nice young Italian couple, who couldn’t speak anything but Italian. They wanted me to take their picture.

What we really wanted to see was El Placio Real, the royal palace, and that did not disappoint. There was a lot of stuff we weren’t allowed to take pictures of, and it would be hard to put it all into words. In short, it was opulent. The king of Spain doesn’t stay there; instead it is used for state occasions such as the signing of treaties, etc.

The best part of the Palacio Real for me was the armory, which had swords and suits of armor. People think of the era of knighthood and tournaments and jousting as iconic of the middle ages, but that all happened toward the latter end. Most of the stuff we saw was never used in war. We did see a breastplate that was riddled with dents from musket balls. That was at the very end of the exhibit, 1600s.

Mission Reunion.
We met at the LDS temple. I got one picture of the outside of the temple, then my batteries went kaput. I’ll have to have others send me copies of all the group photos we took.

Anna and I got a ride back with a former companion and friend of mine, named Eduardo Saavedra. He and his wife gave us a whirlwind street tour of Madrid. We saw a bunch of places that were very pretty but I don’t remember the names of. It was nice to see the city above ground for a change. The metro is wonderful for getting you from A to B, but you don’t get to see anything but the inside of your train car.

Saturday, September 18, 2010
We were spent from all the running around. Wanted to go see Avila, because it was another walled medieval town like Segovia and Toledo, but we woke up way too late. Instead we went to Corte Ingles, then we went strolling through the Parque de Refugio (Park of Refuge). It was crowded with people going on paseo, and eclectic street performers.

We finished the evening with gofres (waffles) topped with Haagen-Dazs, and took another stroll through La Puerta del Sol and watched more performers. A human statue made himself look like a street cleaner. Put money in his cup and he springs to life for a moment, sweeping with his push broom, then goes still. It is utterly convincing. Guys on rollerblades did stunts. The crowd around them was thin and unimpressed. Another man sat beneath a covered table, his face and hair made up to look like an African native, and his head pocking up through a hole so he looked like a severed head on a plate. “Guapa!” he called to the women. “Dame un beso!” and made kissing noises. His hands controlled two other head puppets. It gave everyone the creeps, but he always had a crowd.

Sunday, September 19, 2010
The Train to Cartagena
You don’t think of Spain as desert, but it is. The soil becomes more sandy, and dried grass grows more sparse between clumps the farther south you go. Occasional Acacias and prickly pears spring up in thorny patches. Palm trees sway in the heat.

We pass through rough country. Distant mountains jut toward the sky, their sides treacherous and rocky. Hills and crags are made of whitish chalky rock, or layered sandstone. The trees are all stunted pines and cypresses. No sage. It looks a lot like eastern Oregon, but missing are the dark-layered lava flows, and columns of basalt formations you might expect to see. This area is not volcanic.

Groves blanket the hills, mile after mile. It looks like Yakima Valley, but with Spanish architecture. You get the impression that Spain grows all of Europe’s fruit, or at least a good deal of it. Orange groves. Olive groves. Almond groves. Peach groves. Vineyards, with their climbing branches spread between poles. We see no herds of animals, no fields of corn or wheat.

We pass through clumps of civilization. The houses huddle together, sharing the same walls in the back and on each side. There are no sidewalks and no yards. Doors open onto the street. There is absolutely no urban sprawl. Civilization begins and ends at an abrupt edge, with few (if any) outlying buildings. Free-standing structures are rare. Few people have a car, so they go on foot everywhere.

Houses are always made of brick or cement, with sagging roofs of tile or corrugated galvanized steel. Many have a flat roof that can be used as a terrace. Some houses are painted, or once were long ago. Others are covered with crumbling stucco, the red brick showing beneath. Others are bare brick, or grey cement, or cinder block. Everything has a run-down half-built look to it. Some buildings look new, but quite a few are old, or abandoned and falling apart. American-style gang graffiti is everywhere.

A few years ago Spain had a real-estate boom, just like in the US. Banks gave out loans to people who couldn’t pay, thinking that with the way prices kept rising no one could lose. Now there is a lot of unfinished construction. The buildings stand naked like hulking skeletons. Silent cranes loom motionless in their midst.

Cartegena
We spent the last three nights with Carmen and Jose, friends of Anna’s family. Carmen took us around to see the city. She knows everyone in her little neighborhood. She waves to friends and stops to talk. They kiss each other on the cheek. “Hola, guapa.” It impresses me how social the people of Spain are.

Two and three-story townhouses crowd the streets, built one right against the other. There’s a walled-off space between Carmen’s house and the next door down. Jose tells me it’s for one of his sons when he grows up and marries. “Family roots are very important here,” he explains. The area where they live is the closest thing to a suburb you’ll see anywhere in Spain. It’s has a small town feel in spite of it being a neighborhood in a city of 200,000.

Carmen and Jose have relatives going all the way back to the Visigoths, Moors, and probably even the Romans. Her family is somewhat influential. They have streets named after her relatives. Her father owns a large field only blocks away, surrounded by city buildings. Today it is the site of an enormous fair, with rides and booths. Carmen tells us that she has free tickets if we are interested, but we’re too beat for that kind of excitement.

We have tapas in the evening. I can’t name anything we ate. Some of it was very good. The worst was the salted, cured tuna. Very sharp! Carmen tells me that Spaniards won’t remember places they’ve been, but they’ll always remember the food.

Cartagena is in the middle of a ten-day celebration of the Roman’s victory over the Phoenicians. There are men and women everywhere dressed up in Roman and Carthaginian dress, historical re-enactors who perform mock-battles and plays of important historical events during that period. Everyone thinks it’s a strange thing to celebrate getting conquered, but they all get into the spirit. We find a stand selling churros and have something sweet after our dinner. The fair is packed with people.

Monday, September 20, 2010
Mar Menor
It is rainy and humid. My shirt sticks to my back, and even dry paper has a damp feel to it. Carmen takes us to see her family’s summer beach houses. “Down below us is the house of my aunt. Over there is the house of my brother.” She points to the balcony next door. The view is stunning, in spite of the overcast weather. Their property sits right on the waterfront, overlooking a vast lagoon with sweeping manicured beaches. A long sandbar lies across the horizon leaving only a small opening to the sea, its towering resort hotels like irregular teeth against the sky. The water is very shallow and extremely calm. The people call it “El Mar Menor,” because it is like a tiny version of the Mediterranean. The place has a very affluent feel. “In the summer, when you send your kids to live with us they can go swimming,” Carmen says.

Cabo de los Palos
A lighthouse sits on a high rock, jutting into the Mediterranean. It is raining just a bit. I smell the sea and breathe deep. Carmen likes the ocean. “It makes you feel very small.” She takes a couple pictures of me and Anna in front of the lighthouse.

Cenar
We’re having empanadas, meat pies with a croissant crust. Some are very good. Others have a strong flavor. We try each one. Carmen won’t tell us what they are until we’ve taken a bite. I try one, it’s a little strange but not too bad. “That’s morcilla,” Jose informs me. I suddenly like it a whole lot less. I keep my mouth shut until Anna finishes hers. “You don’t have to eat it all,” Carmen says. I’m not a huge fan of anything made with blood.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010
The room we stay in has air-conditioning, the only one in the house. We keep it on constantly, but it never feels cold enough. I keep a 16oz bottle of water in my backpack, and it seems like I’m always filling it up.

The Mercado
There’s a huge market close to the port. Fishermen in the town bring in their catch early in the morning. The people eat anything that swims, and a good many things that don’t. The fish stare back with dead eyes. “If the eyes are clear then you know it’s still fresh,” Carmen explains. “That’s why they keep the head on. When you buy, they cut it and clean it for you.” She knows half the merchants by name, and moves among the booths like a veteran. The market smells fishy, but it doesn’t stink.

Boat Tour of la Puerta
Cartagena has been an extremely important Mediterranean port since it was discovered by Hannibal. It is one of the few deep-water ports in Europe, and the ship-yards there export new ocean-going vessles all over the world. Two small submarines lie in the water, sleek and black. They’re bound for South Korea. An enormous three-story yacht sits in the dry-dock. A massive oil rig from Italy awaits retrofitting before heading to the Gulf of Mexico.

When the Romans conquered Carthage they fortified the five hills surrounding the inlet, and called it Little Rome. The hills are ringed with layers of defensive walls, and each one is crowned with an artillery fortification. The mountains are honeycombed with bunkers and tunnels. There is a large naval facility.

Amphitheater
The Romans built a huge amphitheater. It fell into disuse when the Byzantines conquered the area, and was burnt down by the Visigoths. The Moors pilfered stones for other buildings, and the people built houses on top of the rubble. Over time the amphitheater was forgotten. It was discovered in the 80s and dug up again in the 90s. It is a stunning find. Anna and I spent more than an hour there.

Necropolis
In the middle of Cartagena lies a necropolis museum. It has a fascinating collection of Iberian Celtic, Phoenician, Greek, Roman, Gothic, Byzantine, and Moorish, artifacts. We spent another hour there.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Museum of Underwater Archeology
This museum was dedicated to researching shipwrecks and cities that were sunken underwater. I learned that amphorae have a pointy spike on the bottom because early merchants unloaded their cargo on the sandy shore. If your jug has a pointed base instead of a flat base you can wedge it into the sand and it will stay up better.

Train to Madrid
At 4:00pm we began the first leg of our complicated homeward journey. My train ticket had the same seat assignment as another passenger, so I had to sit somewhere else. This caused a commotion at every stop we made until the car was full. The last guy to come aboard was really ticked, and we had to get the conductor before he gave up and went grumbling off to the other end of the car. Thankfully no one else got on until we got to Madrid.

I slept and read. Anna watched a movie. The landscape was interesting on the first trip, but there is nothing new to see. The ride is long and boring.

Thursday, September 23, 2010
Homeward Bound
After a near disastrous wrong stop in the metro, we make it to the airport with no time to spare. They re-open the ticketing gate with no small amount of grumbling. Another woman had a flight that left in thirty minutes, but they wouldn’t let her on. After all the frowns pointed comments, we make it to the gate and stand around for forty-five minutes before we begin boarding, wondering what all the commotion was about.

Anna and I pass the 8-hour flight watching Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood until the batteries on the netbook give out. That little computer saved our sanity. We have a layover in Atlanta, and I manage to charge it enough for another hour’s respite on the flight to Salt Lake City.

Finally home, and we’re ready to have our normal lives back. The kids are super happy to see us. The house smells unfamiliar, like we’re visiting a stranger. We dole out the presents that everyone got. My internal clock tells me that it’s 5:00am, and my brain is screaming for sleep. Grandma can put the kids to bed just one more night.

Things I’ll always remember from Spain

1. Spanish tortilla. I make this all the time for my family, but somehow the way they do it in Spain tastes better.
2. The bread with the hard crunchy crust on the outside and soft tender part inside. It leaves crumbs everywhere. You can NOT buy this anywhere in the US.
3. Carmen and her husband, Jose, who labored like campeones to make sure we had tried just about every piece of Spanish cuisine there was. Thank you guys, very much!
4. Lentejas with chorizo, which I had only once during our visit. I never knew how much I missed it. I ate a lot of that in the Canaries.
5. Will Beus, a friend from my mission and my years at BYU. We hadn’t seen each other in fifteen years. He’s living in Barcelona now with his family.
6. Eduardo Saavedra. We were only companions one month, and he was one of two native-speaking companions I ever had. Thanks for giving us a lift back to the hotel!
7. Segovia, with its graceful Roman arches and magnificent castle. Anna was least excited to go there, but found it by far the most impressive place we visited.
8. Toledo, where I ran $1000 over our savings to buy souvenirs. I’m still trying to figure out how we’re gong to pay for all that stuff. I hope Anna’s dad likes the sword we got him.
9. The metro and the trains that took us literally everywhere.
10. Puerta del Sol, with its vibrant crowds, and eclectic artists and performers.

It feels like I’ve been on vacation for a long time. My first night back I dream about trains. I wake up to use the bathroom and panic because I can’t remember what hotel room we’re in. It takes half a minute for the logical half of my brain to reboot and realize that we’re not in Spain anymore. “See? There’s carpet on the floor. You never saw that anywhere, did you?” Our trip is finally at an end.

Spain, Segovia and Toledo

2010-09-16T16:50:00.000-07:00

Our first day in Spain was quite an adventure. I am feeling pretty jet-lagged right now. We didn’t sleep much the night before leaving, because we wanted to switch our biological clocks to Spanish time—but we ended up being too wired to sleep on the plane. Then we went straight to Segovia and spent the whole day there. In all, I think I got eight hours of sleep over a 36-hour period. Last night I crashed for about ten hours and didn’t wake up this morning until 9:50.

Segovia
We spent our first day in Segovia. That’s the place with the huge Roman aqueduct, and the huge Disney-style castle. To say the town was picturesque really doesn’t do it justice. The place was simply extraordinary. The old part of the city is on the top of a very tall hill with steep rocky sides. The whole thing is surrounded by walls, originally built by the Romans.

The old Roman aqueduct dominates the skyline, and it cuts the town in half. You can’t tell from the post cards, but it’s right in the middle of the city. There’s a huge traffic circle on one side with a bus stop, and there’s a busy plaza on the other side, and all around are modern European style buildings. Anna was very, very impressed.

We also went to Segovia to see its iconic Alcazar. That’s the Spanish word for fortress. The castle looks like something straight out of Disneyland—but real. If you want to see an honest to goodness, fairy-tale, medieval-style castle where kings and queens actually slept, then the Alcazar de Segovia a definite must.

Toledo
We went to Toledo to see a real medieval village. Like Segovia, Toledo also sits on top of a hill, surrounded by battlements and towers. You want to see what a fortified town from the middle-ages looks like? It has walls that are 30 to 80 feet high. It’s indescribable, and yes, people still live there—an honest to goodness city surrounded by fortress walls. How cool is that??? You just don’t see anything like that in the US.

We really should have planned that trip better. Unlike Segovia, everything in Toledo starts closing at 6:00. I was really disappointed we didn’t get to go see the cathedral. It’s supposed to be the oldest in Spain. We also wanted to see the monastery of San Juan de los Reyes.

Toledo has some incredible, incredible hand-made art. There are painted plates, which are exquisite. You can’t get them anywhere else in the world. There is this type of etched jewelry with gold and silver inlay, which is indescribable and beautiful. Then there are the swords. Toledo was once famous for its steel, and the Toledo swordsmiths were once the finest in Europe and the middle east. Most of today’s swords are replicas, somewhat cheap and touristy. You have to hunt, but if you’re persistent you can find some real quality blades.

I ended up getting a replica El Cid sword for my father-in-law. I also got a high-quality hand-and-a-half longsword made of beautiful Damascus steel. Anna got a bell, and for her mother (who has temporary command of our platoon while we’re away) we got a special surprise.

The architecture in both Toledo and Segovia is incredible. The Spaniards kicked out the Moors, but their artistic influence stayed. The train station looks like a Mosque.

Metro (Subway)
Anna and I have been discovering first-hand just how convenient a modern mass-transit system can be. Directly from the airport, we went all the way to Segovia, and set foot outside only once and that was when we got on the Ave (Spanish high-speed train). And we had a covered walkway just in case it happened to be raining.

The subway system in Madrid is extensive. It looks just like subway systems you see in movies that are set in Europe. It’s pretty noisy. It rolls and jounces along, screeching as it comes to a halt. It’s not too loud, except for when your train passes another, and there’s this appalling scream for a couple seconds. Getting on, I half expected to see little Japanese men with sticks, pushing people on, but there was none of that.

Trains
We took the trains everywhere. They’re high-speed. They’re electric. The ride is extremely smooth (smoother than a car ride, at least), and almost perfectly quiet (the air-conditioning coming through the vents is louder). There are no seat belts. Some of the tracks are so smooth you barely know that the train is in motion. Acceleration and deceleration is so gradual and the train is so quiet you hardly notice that you’ve started moving or come to a stop. Different trains move at different speeds. The slower ones move along at 140KPH, and the fastest go at a blistering 391KPH. The one that we took from Segovia back to Madrid clipped along at a smooth 245KPH. We got there in 30 minutes flat.

How’s that for mass transit?

As you ride, trains coming in the opposite direction can be startling. You never see it coming until you feel a shock wave from the air as both trains meet and go hissing by. A 200ft train will pass in less than a second. Your ears pressurize when you go through a tunnel because it has to push the air through in front of it. The tunnels are narrow and you can see the wall sliding past barely two feet away.
People commute on these trains regularly. You’ll see cars parked at the station in Segovia for people who take the train into Madrid in the mornings and return in the evening.

People-watching.
A popular evening custom in Spain is “Ir de paseo,” or to go for a walk, but that translation really doesn’t describe what it means. The point is to go out and talk with your neighbors and spend time with your friends. People meet up after work when the weather cools off. Young and old alike go out in large groups, all dressed up nice, and sit in the plazas and street corners talking and laughing. There is a tremendous atmosphere. They hang out in sidewalk cafes, “comiendo tapas” (eating tapas), which are small portions of food.

Anna and I went out tonight. We had tortilla (which is like a thick omelet made with potatos), ensalidilla ruso (Russian salad, which is like potato salad, but with more vegetables and no pickle relish), a sampler of Spanish cured meats, and something that looked like pinto beans with ham in olive oil.
Our hotel is right on El Plaza del Sol, which is smack dab in the middle of Madrid. It has a very artsy feel to it. Tonight there was a band of Mexican mariachis (of all things) playing. Last night there was some dude that danced with fire. Artists and musicians hang out. It’s pretty vibrant.

Technology has yet to take over this people’s lives the way it has intruded upon ours. Don’t get me wrong, this place is modern as tomorrow, but you don’t see cell phones everywhere like you do in the US. You see large groups of teens and twenty-somethings strolling along, and few if any of them will be on the phone. I’ve only seen two or three people dig a laptop out of their backpack like you see all over the US.

Historical sites
I’m continually impressed at the amount of heritage that these people have. We have heritage in the US, but it’s not seven hundred years old. In the US you don’t have apartment buildings abutting 400 year-old churches. You don’t have ancient Roman and Visigothic ruins surrounded by two or three story townhouses.
You have to wonder what it would be like to live somewhere like this, to grow up around it. Anna was telling me that all the Spanish exchange students that stayed at her house would comment that there wasn’t anything really old around where people lived. The “New World” as we call it is very aptly named. In the western US we have a few historical landmarks like the Alamo, or an old pioneer village, or maybe if you go back east you can see historical buildings from early colonial times—but we don’t have anything that is really, really old.

Countryside.
My brain kept doing back-flips. It looks like southern Idaho, or eastern Oregon/Washington, or Utah with flatter mountains. There is grass everywhere. Lots of groves of something, fruit and olives. There are trees, but there are no forests. People have lived here and used this land for thousands of years..
Add a smattering of acacias, Joshua trees, and sage, and this could be anywhere in southern Utah.

Climate
It’s been warm and muggy the entire time. I probably wouldn’t have noticed if I didn’t live in Utah where it is very dry year round.

Language
I understand that there are a lot of differences between the language spoken in Spain versus what they speak in Mexico and South America. Aside from the obvious accent and the differences in vocabulary I’ve noticed also that word-use is very different. I can’t put my finger on it, but I see signs here and I think, “Oh, in the US it would have said something different.” I think that in a lot of ways the differences are much like what you’d expect between English spoken in Great Britain and English spoken in the US, but in the case of Spain versus the rest of the world, the difference is even more pronounced.

My Spanish is functional. I won’t describe it as perfect because I make far too many mistakes. That whole “el”, versus “la” thing, I could never quite get it down. The general rule that –o is masculine and –a is feminine only takes you so far. Then there’s words like “el agua,” or “la mano.” Also you have –e words like “el aciete,” all of which you simply have to memorize.

I have moments of coherence when I’m not babbling like an oaf. The people are rather kind. I ask them a question and get a confused look for a second, then their face lights up and they answer. I can almost see the wheels turning as their brain churns away, trying to interpolate, and then the light goes on—ding! “Ah, pues que si!”

More to come
That’s all I have for now. We’re so busy, it’s hard to find time to write it all down. Yes, I’ve been taking pictures, and I’ll post them when I get back.

The Law of the Harvest

2010-06-29T07:59:00.000-07:00

Among Christians there is a principle called the Law of the Harvest (Galatians 6:7), which says basically, "you reap what you sow". It's a familiar proverb--one that's surprisingly easy to forget.

If a farmer wants to grow wheat, he has to prepare his field, plant the seed, then irrigate it throughout the season. After that, he has to trust in God that there will be a good growing season. Any number of bad things can happen: a hailstorm, pests, weeds, etc. At the end of the season, his work bears fruit. There is always an abundance. Part of it the farmer sells for profit, part of it he uses to feed his family, and part of it he lays aside for the next season.

This law applies to writing as well.

Learn the craft. Take college courses, read books, attend lectures and conventions and workshops, etc.

Join a writer’s group.

Set goals as a writer. Vow to write a certain word-count within a certain amount of time, and to finish a certain amount of stories.

Build a network of contacts within the industry. Attend conventions and become a contributor within the community.

Build a following within a community of readers so that you can generate interest.

Trust in God.

The whole process is pretty much an act of faith.

Something that keeps me motivated me are the words to The Climb, by Miley Cyrus. This is an awesome song, and it has a powerful lesson for anyone at any stage in life.

There’s always gonna be another mountain
I’m always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I’m gonna have to lose

Ain’t about how fast I get there
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb

Servant of a Dark God

2010-05-14T22:21:00.000-07:00

I was excited to get a copy of this book and read it. I met John D. Brown at the 2010 LTUE. He gave a two-hour seminar called How to Write a Story That Rocks, which he presented with Larry Correia. It was awesome.

I’m going to stop rating books on a scale of one to five. In my opinion, three stars is a good solid score, but I can’t give a good book a three out of five without sounding like I hated it. I will, however, continue my nun-rating—that’s just hilarious.

Story
A monster named Hunger is wandering the countryside eating the souls of people. Hunger is like—well, he’s a soul-sucking golem…of sorts. Guess you’ll have to read the book for yourself. Brown borrows from Beowulf, and puts many parallels between Hunger and Grendel into his story.

Hunger has a good deal of inner conflict, which makes him a fascinating villain. In spite of his being an indestructible abomination, you identify with him and you start rooting for him as he tries to break free of the Mother, who controls him.

Yes, Hunger has a Mother. He also gets his arm ripped off.

Characters
The dialog in this story had good tension, and I very much enjoyed the repartee. I’ll give full marks for that aspect.

Talen, the main character, was likeable. He is intelligent, and his sense of conscience keeps him from doing anything too stupid (he spends a good deal of the book working against the plot).

I very much enjoyed the scene where Talen and Sugar kiss. Talen’s father is hiding Sugar and her younger brother from the Shoka warriors. Talen thinks Sugar is an evil deceptive Sleth hatchling, and he is very much afraid of her. The Shoka are coming to search the farm and Sugar decides to pretend that she and Talen are lovers. Sugar is the first girl he’s ever kissed, and…well, go read it for yourself. Hilarious.

The other characters are very likeable, but it took me a while to warm up to them. I don’t mind two or three points of view, but this story has seven. It’s agonizing to get wrenched from one POV to the next.

I particularly liked the way the Shoka warriors weren’t just faceless thugs. Talen and his friends knew many of them by name. These people all grew up together, and they were familiar with each other’s personality quirks. I found a really good model to emulate in the way Brown pulled this off. I’m going to try and remember this trick in my own writing.

Another thing I liked about this story is that the characters were ordinary people. I’m really tired of reading about nobility, about lost heirs, about bored princesses—all that has been so done to death. Servant was fairly refreshing in that aspect.

Milieu
Brown does a good job in this area. He spent a lot of time researching medieval life, and was familiar with the tools of the day and the names for the simple everyday objects the people used. There was a scene that took place at sea. I could tell that Brown did a lot of research to make sure he got all the language and terminology right.

Voice
I love a good opening hook, and Servant of a Dark God scores well:

Talen sat at the wooden table in nothing but his underwear because he had no pants. Somehow, during the middle of the night, they had walked off the peg where he’d hung them. And he’d searched high and low. The last of their cheese was missing as well.

The cheese he could explain: if you were hungry and a thief, then cheese would be a handy meal to take. But it was not the regular poverty-striken thief who roamed miles off the main roads, risked entering a house, and passed up many other fine and more expensive goods to steal a pair of boy’s dirty trousers hanging on a peg in the loft.

No, there wasn’t a thief in the world that would do that. But there was an older brother and sister.

I particularly enjoyed the scene in chapter 3 where Talen has to walk home alone through a forest. He’s just been beat up, and all he has to defend himself is a few rocks and a stick.

Talen tried to keep himself from running. But the farther he got into the dark, old wood, the more he felt like a fat worm sinking on a hook into the water.

A fat worm that had already been worked over…

…Only when he reached [his own farm] did he stop and turn, and, with much panting, search the woods.

Nothing. Nothing at all.

The Sleth children, if there had ever been any, must have been one-legged pigeons. No regular monsters would have let him escape alive.

I wish I had more of that during the scenes with the other characters. Granted, the voice in this scene was going for mild comic relief, but I’ve read other stories where the narrative was serious and the voice was just as entertaining.

I wish authors of high fantasy would try harder in this area. Good voice really livens up a narrative. Somehow everyone’s got the idea that high fantasy has to be dry and serious.

Concept
What if there were higher beings that fed off the life-force of humans, in the same way that humans feed off of cattle? Concept is where Servant is strongest. I think readers will find themselves hooked, and I think this series will sell well.

Brown does a good job developing the backstory and explaining just enough of how the present situation in the world came to be. At times I found it a bit much to take in, but I’ll give him credit for making a fire hose feel more like a really big glass of water.

Nun-rating
Four out of five nuns give their approval, and agreed that the story was very much acceptable. The mother superior didn’t like the light cussing, which doesn’t surprise me—although the sisters confided with me that she stayed up all night to finish it.

A Manifesto on Fantasy

2010-04-28T08:47:00.000-07:00

Don’t get me wrong, I really do like fantasy. What I can’t stand is the way nearly all fantasy today is portrayed: long unpronounceable names of places that don’t exist, epic struggles between kings that never ruled, courtly intrigue with impossibly beautiful princesses, and the struggles of brooding exiled princes. Here’s a sample of what I’m saying:

Upon the plains of Xe’tatha, King Chertarand with his ten-thousand gleaming knights of Temtiniel met Gar-huul the Emperor of Darkeness and blah-blah, blah-blah, blah-blah…

The narration lurches on, flinging the reader into a pedantic history lesson that I’ll never remember a week or two after I’ve read the last page and put the book down. To make it all more palatable the novel comes with handsome cover-art and a nicely-drawn map.

Tolkien never wrote like that.

Let me be clear. He wrote plenty about places that don’t exist and people that never lived, but the difference was that he didn’t start out throwing a bunch of imaginary history at the reader. Also, his main characters weren’t kings, or socially repressed princesses, or orphaned princes destined to save the world. They were normal guys, like you and me.

Well, actually, they were hobbits—but that’s my point, exactly. Hobbits are a metaphor for ordinary people going face to face with a quest that was impossibly huge. Tolkien made Frodo, Merry, Pippin, and Sam likeable underdogs in one fell swoop. To invite his readers in, Tolkien doesn’t try to impress them or her with epic grandeur, either. He saves that for the end, and begins Lord of the Rings begins on a much more comfortable note:

When Mr. Bilbo Baggins of Bag End announced that he would shortly be celebrating his eleventy-first birthday with a party of special magnificence, there was much talk and excitement in Hobbiton.

The Fellowship of the Ring
J. R. R. Tolkien

See? No gleaming swords, no scaly dragons, no ravens fluttering over the rusting armor and whitened bones spread upon some forgotten battlefield. All that stuff is in Tolkien’s writing—don’t mistake what I’m saying. He just starts out on a much lighter voice.

Which brings me to my real point: voice in fantasy.

Why is it that fantasy authors have such a hard time with this? They have no problem emulating the rest of Tolkien’s shtick, but when it comes to voice, they just don’t get it. The world has enough history lessons, I don’t need to supplement my life with imaginary ones.

Here are some examples of what I’m looking for:

Harry Potter was a highly unusual boy in many ways. For one thing, he hated the summer holidays more than any other time of year. For another, he really wanted to do his homework but was forced to do it in secret, in the dead of night. And he also happened to be a wizard.

Harry Potter, and the Prisoner of Azkaban
J. K. Rowling

Here’s another:

Look, I didn’t want to be a half-blood.
If you’re reading this because you think you might be one, my advice is: close this book right now. Believe whatever lie your mom or dad told you about your birth, and try to lead a normal life.

Percy Jackson and the Olypians, The Lightning thief
Rick Riordan

“But Tom, really!” you say. “These are all YA or middle-grade novels—kid’s books!”

Dude, do you think LotR was a kid’s book?

Let’s try something more mature, then:

My name is Harry Blackstone Copperfield Dresden. Conjure by it at your own risk. I'm a wizard. I work out of an office in midtown Chicago. As far as I know, I'm the only openly practicing professional wizard in the country. You can find me in the yellow pages, under 'Wizards'. Believe it or not, I'm the only one there…

You'd be surprised how many people call just to ask me if I'm serious. But then, if you'd seen the things I'd seen, if you knew half of what I knew, you'd wonder how anyone could not think I was serious.

Storm Front, Book One of the Dresden Files
Jim Butcher

This isn’t about openings, and it’s not about first lines—it’s about voice. It’s about balancing the serious, epic side of fantasy with levity. Rowling was a master at this, which is why Harry Potter can be so dark and serious, yet have moments where you laugh your head off. Jim Butcher is an expert at pulling this off, as well.

Other writers are free to write whatever they want, and I hope they keep on doing it, too. As for me, I will take the path less-traveled.

Highlights of Life the Universe & Everything (Saturday)

2010-02-28T10:37:00.000-08:00

Saturday, February 13
I got to the convention early so I could mill around the registration area in case any world-famous writers happened to be hanging out, and I got to meet Brandon Mull. We struck up a really nice conversation.

Brandon is one of my heroes. I told him how I picked up a copy of Fablehaven in Smiths, looking for something to read because so much out there stinks. I opened it to page one and liked some of the imagery that he used, and after that I was hooked.

Brandon graduated BYU the same year I finished my master’s work. He got a degree in public relations and got a job doing pretty much that. I then pointed a finger and said, “Ah ha! That explains a lot. You know how to sell yourself, don’t you? You came up with a concept you could pitch, and went out and sold it.” And that was pretty much it.

I am a firm believer that success stories don’t happen by accident. All successful novel ideas start with a solid concept. What is Fablehaven’s concept? A nature preserve for fairies and magical beings. If you look around you, you can see concept in just about every story that is successful. The concept behind Twilight is a forbidden romance between a young girl and a vampire lover. The concept behind Spiderman is a young man who gets spider-powers, who learns that with great power comes great responsibility and it becomes his duty to be a hero and a protector. The concept behind Star Trek is a crew of space explorers whose five-year mission is to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and civilizations, and to boldly go where no Man has gone before. The concept behind the Dresden Files is a wizard living in Chicago who works as a private investigator solving paranormal crimes.

Concept.

As readers, most people aren’t even aware of it, but as a writer you need to have it firmly fixed in your mind. Why is concept so important? Because having a clear concept in your mind means you can clearly pitch the idea behind your story in 25 words or less. Because when publishers and editors hear your concept they can create an image for your story and build a marketing campaign around it. Because when you go to sell your idea to the world and a reader picks up your book they have a clear idea what kind of story they can expect.

Fablehaven Presentation. This was a presentation by Brandon Mull. As a kid, he really wasn’t all that interested in reading, for him it was kind of lame until he got a hold of The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. Right around that time he went on vacation to his grandmother’s house and thought, “If there’s any place I’m going to find a magical closet or a wardrobe, this will be it.”

He went to BYU and majored in public relations. He became a writer for the divine comedy troupe, doing humorous sketches. I think that is significant because humor is so important in writing YA. Humor will make anything fun to read. You don’t have to use it in every story, but I believe it is one of the ingredients that made Harry Potter so addictive. People love reading something enjoyable that makes them laugh.

Using Fantasy and Science Fiction in the Classroom: Reaching Reluctant Readers. This was part of the educator’s conference. Most of the people in the panel discussion were teaching K-12.

It was golden.

I sat in there listening to their questions and reading between the lines.

I have a theory of success that goes like this. You publish a YA novel. You get it into the schools as part of their reading curriculum. Kids love it (I hope), then they take it home. Parents see it and say, “Hmmm, what is my kid reading?” They investigate and get hooked. Parents tell their friends. Friends tell their friends. In the end, kids learn to read, adults have a good time, and I make lots of money. Everybody’s happy.

I believe that this is the mechanism by which Harry Potter became the phenomenon that it is today.

There are a few critical pieces to success using this strategy:
you must be able to tell a story so that it knocks the reader’s socks off.
you must have interesting characters
you must have a comfortable inviting realistic and immersive milieu that the reader will crave spending time in.
you must make good use of humor and repartee
you must have a solid concept that you can pitch to the world
ABOVE ALL: When an adult picks up your book, they must not at any time feel like they are reading a “kids book.”

So, when I went to this discussion I was basically trying to figure out how I can make a book appealing to a teacher. That led to the question of, what is the purpose of using fiction in the classroom? Fiction creates a desire to read. Having a desire to read means that a student will develop greater comprehension and vocabulary. Having a good comprehension and vocabulary means a student can learn faster.

Every educator knows this.

In a nutshell, reading is a fundamental gateway to acquiring knowledge. You can teach a child knowledge, but that’s like giving a man a fish. You’ve fed him for the day but the next morning you’re back where you started. If you teach a child to read, it’s like teaching that same man to fish. The child can begin to learn on their own. Reading is the very lifeblood to vocational training and the foundation for any form of higher education.

And it all starts with a desire for story.

Well written F/SF stimulates the imagination and sparks wonder in the reader’s mind, causing them to ask questions and play with ideas in a creative way. It prompts them to imagine alternate realities that function according to different sets of rules. This in turn drives further curiosity to explore the ramifications and benefits of those rules. F/SF provides a medium where children can fully explore their imagination.

Why is all this make-believe stuff so important? Science and engineering is all about using the creative mind to solve problems. You must marry the logical left hemisphere of the brain with the artistic and creative right hemisphere. This is why so many scientists and engineers and researchers were Star Wars nerds or Dungeons and Dragons geeks as teenagers.

The world is filled with problems that as yet have no solution, and if we’re going to fix those problems we need the ability to think outside the established norm and investigate solutions in unorthodox ways.

Saturday Keynote Address by Brandon Sanderson. Brandon began by talking about false notions. To illustrate he told how we all grew up believing that the people in Columbus’s time thought that the earth was flat. We were taught that the people thought if you sailed far enough you would fall off the edge of the world. Nothing could be further from the truth. Since about 400BC, educated people throughout Europe not only knew that the earth was round, but they had a decent idea of how big it was, too.

Columbus was merely the first person to try and put that knowledge to good use.

In reality, the resistance he faced was in convincing people that it could be done. How far could they sail before they ran out of food? What dangers would they face? Up until this time, people never strayed more than a couple day’s distance from land.

So, with this example set before us and totally debunked, Brandon presented another false notion. A F/SF writer once stated, somewhat defensively, that F/SF wasn’t all crap. It was actually 90% crap. If you looked hard enough, there were some bits that were actually quite good. (I’m paraphrasing) Well, this notion caught on, and contributed to the idea that no one ought to take F/SF seriously. One author remarked tongue in cheek, 90% of all F/SF is crap and the rest goes to my agent.

Carrying this logic further, this means that publishers have been pushing to market stuff that they fundamentally believe is crap. This in turn means that 90% of all readers are inherently stupid and can be satisfied on a steady diet of crap.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

Brandon Sanderson went on to rail against the literary establishment who thinks that commercial fiction is rubbish, and F/SF writers are a bunch of sell-outs and schlock jockeys.

It was really quite good. I wish I’d recorded it so I could capture his reasoning better.

He got an enthusiastic ovation at the end.

I have a theory that goes something like this. Don’t argue with success. You don’t have to like it, but you would do well to understand why it happens. If Dan Brown can sell millions and millions of books with writing quality that a sixth-grader could beat, there’s a reason. If Stephanie Meyer can virtually resurrect a laughable genre that was essentially doomed, and turn it into a multi billion-dollar pulp sensation, there’s a reason.

I got into writing because I picked up a book by L. E. Modesset Jr and after 175 pages said to myself, how did this guy get published? After learning that he successfully cranked out more than a dozen books in the Recluse series I realized that you can’t define success. You can’t put limits on what people will crave. If someone is making a killing somewhere, you don’t have to like it, you don’t have to copy it, but you ought to pay attention. People aren’t stupid, and they don’t flock to crap. When a new phenomenon becomes manifest, it means that there is an area in the market that is un-tapped. It means we don’t understand everything that the public likes. Unfortunately it is something we’re all reminded of again and again and again. Thanks, Lee. I owe you a debt of gratitude for a lesson well-learned.

Highlights of Life the Universe & Everything (Friday)

2010-02-26T17:41:00.000-08:00

Friday, February 12
How to Become an Idea Factory. If writers get asked one question more than any other it is, “Where do you get all your ideas?”

One comment that I heard from panelists repeatedly was that they let their ideas stew around in their heads. The good ideas will eventually turn into stories, and the bad ones just kind of go away. I heard comments similar to this from two, maybe three different authors.

All good stories start with a question. What if… In the How to Write a Story That Rocks presentation last night, John Brown stated that you need to come up with a problem that the hero has to face.

Also, you can fuse together two or more unrelated story ideas into a new story. For instance, James Dashner’s Mazerunner book is essentially Ender’s Game plus Lord of the Flies. Brandon Sanderson’s Mistborn series is basically, what if the dark overlord won the epic war, plus Ocean’s Eleven.

Once you can do any of these things, the only difference between you and a bestselling author is learning to pick which ideas are good and which are not.

I heard Brandon Sanderson mention an anecdote from another bestselling author. A fan approached the man and said, I have a great idea. I’ll tell you, and we can publish a novel and split the profit. The author said, “Ideas for me are a dime a dozen, and I’ve already got way more than I can use. I’ll tell you what. Why don’t you learn how to write, then when you become a bestselling author come see me again. I’ll give you one of my ideas and then you go write the book and we’ll split the profits.

I thought that was a clever repost.

In summary, for an author that is well-published, it really isn’t about coming up with a good idea. Good ideas are everywhere, it’s really a matter of being able to recognize them and turn them into a story.

Brandon Sanderson said when he was in the 4th grade he learned to play the trumpet. When he got to high school he joined an ensemble band and tried to learn jazz. He was really good at trumpet, but he just couldn’t get jazz. His teacher said jazz was a different skill. It comes from the heart, not from notes on a page.

As a writer, coming up with ideas is much the same thing. Being able to write, even being able to write well is more of a skill than anything else. The real art in writing, then, is in learning to bring out the soul.

Highlights of Life the Universe & Everything

2010-02-25T17:45:00.000-08:00

I was surprised at how well things went over this year at BYU’s XXVIII-th fantasy and science fiction symposium. Here are some of the highlights for me.

Thursday, February 11
I took the day off and got down to BYU early so I could find good parking. It was already packed.

Style in Speculative Fiction. I didn’t take much away from this and there really isn’t a lot to say. F/SF is really about story.

More important than style is voice. Voice, in my definition, is the attitude and the tone of the narrator. Think of the narrator of a story as sitting in front of you as he reads the story. Is the narrator up-beat or depressing? Is the narrator optimistic or pessimistic? Is the narrator preachy?

Voice, not style is more important in F/SF.

Fantasy without Magic. Can you have fantasy without magic? Yes. Anything with monsters in it can be considered fantasy. Anything where man is in an alien environment and you don’t have technology is fantasy. The best example would be the Anne McCaffrey dragon-rider novels. Two examples from classical fantasy are Conan and Tarzan.

Magic is anything that doesn’t follow the laws of physics in our universe.

Magic is also what the publisher says it is. There was a big discussion on who wins when a writer gets into a dispute on how to classify an author’s novel. Apparently the publisher is always right.

There was also a long discussion debating how much you try and explain magic in fantasy. Tolkien felt deeply that if you could explain magic it wouldn’t be magic, it would be science. I can see his point, and he strove to make Gandalf be the kind of character that made magic seem wonderful and awe-inspiring.

Brandon Sanderson took the complete opposite approach, and once he explained his position I found that I agreed more with him. You establish in your story the limits of what magic can and cannot do. You give enough info so that readers can catch on to how it works and what it can do, then you move on. Sanderson always puts an appendix at the end of his novels that provides more information if people want to dig in deeper.

Along this topic, Brandon Mull made an interesting comment in a discussion panel on Saturday (yeah, I’m jumping ahead a couple days). He said that you need to establish rules of how magic works. If magic can do anything characters’ choices become boring and your story sags. You need to explain the magic in your story just enough so that the reader understands its limits and is able to anticipate how the characters might solve a problem. This allows the reader to feel like they are participating more in the story.

Good panel discussion.

Creating a Wizard that isn’t another Gandalf, Merlin, Dumbledore, etc. In this panel they talked about Joseph Campbell’s mentor archetype within the hero’s journey. Older people had more life experience, which they could in turn impart to younger generations. In this way, a mentor character in a story is one who understands the world.

We also have two basic story types where a mentor appears. In the first type, the mentor teaches the pupil and then he dies. For an example, Star Wars. In the second type of tale the mentor remains around (usually) but the hero has to learn how to solve problems on their own. For an example, think Harry Potter.

Writing Realistic Military Fiction. I grew up an Air Force brat, and I’ve always had a lot of respect for the military. I would love to be able to write good military fiction, but I was never engrained with that culture.

This was a lecture by a Marine officer who yelled throughout the entire presentation. He went hoarse after about 20 minutes and needed to use the mic.

It was interesting.

The weapon says a lot about the soldier. The presenter started talking about the M-16, which requires a lot of training, but is very accurate and comes with tons of attachments. It is a very technical weapon. He compared it to the AK-47, which you can bury in the mud for a month, rinse it off, then take it to war. The Americans use technology and training as a force-multiplier in their tactics and strategy. The enemy’s strategy is overwhelming numbers. The presenter also mentioned the Samurai and the culture surrounding their sword (the sword being the soul of the warrior), and the Jedi who were patterned in many ways after the Samurai.

He also talked about the OODA-loop. Orient, Observe, Decide, Act. Whoever goes through this process the fastest will out-maneuver their enemy and win. Whoever comes in second place will always have out-dated information. He also said that you can’t spend all your time orienting and observing because it takes time and your enemy will have the advantage over you.

There is a lot of luck in war.

Putting Romance in your Fantasy. Clint Johnson, one of my writing friends, was moderator for this panel. I congratulated him afterwards on a job well-done, and for daring to even approach subject. At the start of the discussion he announced his qualifications as being the “token Y-chromosome.”

Fantasy stories are usually about saving the world. In contrast, romance stories are centered around a relationship, first and foremost. When you put the two together the fantasy element is there to provide a setting, or a vehicle for the plot. Fantasy elements can also be used to convey social metaphors, or be used as symbols for real-life elements.

Elements of romance stories:
1. Create sexual tension. Take a man and a woman and put a wall between them. Throw up every barrier you can imagine that would keep the two of them from hooking up. Your plot, then, is how the two manage to get together and make things work.
2. If readers fall in love with your characters, then they will believe that the two characters could in turn fall in love with each other.
3. Put the man and woman in a situation where they are forced to work together. They must have complimentary gifts, and both are required to resolve the conflict.
4. Give the man and woman opposing quests. Set one up to undermine the other. For the plot to be resolved, one must make a decision about who he/she is, and change.
5. Give both characters an internal conflict as well as an external conflict.

Writing Strong Female Characters. The panelists started by talking about what a strong woman is.
1. More than just a man with breasts. (I really ought to have gotten more of an explanation out of them for that one)
2. A woman who doesn’t have to act like a man to get what she wants in a man’s world.
3. Centered. Has a well-defined self-image, and is comfortable with who she is.
4. Know what she wants and is willing to make it happen.

In general, strong characters in fiction are the ones who make the decisions and are an active force. They are the movers and the shakers in your story.

There was a big discussion on how to balance historical accuracy, while still remaining sensitive to the values of modern readers. Specifically, women in the middle ages were often thought of as property. How do you write in such a way that you remain true to the period without offending modern readers?

The conclusion was that fiction is not about conveying factual truths of a given period. It is to convey truths about humanity. Its purpose is to portray human nature and explore the question, what does it mean to be human? If a period-specific detail from an ancient culture can be used to illustrate a situation and make a point, then it is relevant and deserves a place in your story.

A friend of mine from the audience quoted me during this panel, which I took as quite a compliment. That gave me the opportunity to add some input of my own to the discussion. The panel was talking about differences in the way men and women fight. Women snipe at each other and fight with words. Men fight by punching each other’s lights out.

I countered that men also fight with words--that’s what “talking smack” is all about. In a well-written story, a clever male hero will diffuse a tense situation using humor. Men are more cautious about letting things come to blows because instinctively, they know that in the next thirty seconds someone could wind up maimed or dead.

No More Dead Dogs (or Mothers). This panel was about avoiding literary clichés, specifically, why are so many heroes orphans (Harry Potter, Luke Skywalker, Spiderman, Batman, Superman). The feeling was that authors were becoming lazy in an attempt to garner the reader’s sympathy for their character.

I totally agree.

I didn’t find much value in this discussion, so I slipped out and got a quesadilla. 20 minutes later I came back and they’d gone through all the questions and were taking comments from the audience. They still had a half hour to go.

How to Write a Story That Rocks. Presented by John Brown and Larry Correa. This two-hour workshop was one of the highlights for me. It was basically a structured way of brainstorming ideas for plot. It reinforced everything I already knew, and added a handful of key elements that I was missing.

I think I know enough now to write a story that can get published. I think all I lack at this point is the will to follow through and finish. I can’t put it any plainer than that.

During the first panel this morning, of the panelists stood up and asked the room for a show of hands, how many people present had finished writing their first novel. It didn’t have to be published, just completed. I estimated about eight to nine out of ten hands went up. Wow. I’m not so certain as to the quality of all these novels, but that’s at least 130 people in the state of Utah who write F/SF who are ahead of me in the game. I really need to get on the ball.

Do's and Don'ts of Networking

2010-01-24T21:47:00.000-08:00

The following is a transcription of notes I took during a presentation by Clint Johnson at the Oquirrh Hills chapter meeting for the League of Utah Writers, on January 21st.

Do’s of Networking.

Do make use of every opportunity to network, no matter how unlikely you think the chance might turn into something significant later on down the road.

Do be professional. Most professions require a degree, such as an AA, BA, MS, MBA, etc. There is no such thing for creative writers. A BFA or an MFA is not mean you’re a good creative writer. Agents and other professionals have nothing to go on other than your behavior and your manner of dress. Professionalism is extremely important.

Do be nice. Be kind and genuine. Don’t over-do the charm. Don’t be overbearing. Don’t corner people to get their attention.

Do be polite.

Do be honest. Especially on your list of publications. This is a small world. Everyone is connected to everyone. Everyone is a beginner at some point. Editors and agents realize this.

Do be confident. Go with your strengths. Don’t be too witty.

Do be humble. Don’t put other authors down. Again, this is a very small world. Someday somewhere down the road, someone in this profession is going to be asked to do a favor on your behalf. Be humble.

Do take opportunities when they come, even if they scare you. If you get asked to write something that is out of your genere, or something you know very little about, take it anyway. Opportunities are few and they are far between.

Always follow up on a contact. If you meet with someone, always re-connect with them, just to keep open the lines of communication. Don’t let your contacts go stale.

Concerning #7, I was reminded of a couple experiences I’ve had professionally. The first happened in graduate school. I needed three members on my graduate panel. One would be my advisor, the second was anyone else I wanted, and the third was someone chosen for me by the department. My advisor suggested I go see a certain professor that I didn’t like at all. I thought he was an arrogant snob, and I got a C in his class—but I had been careful to not share my opinion to anyone else and I was very very very glad. I sucked it up, and when it came time to defend my thesis he gave me his shining approval.

Just sort of the way life works out. Go figure.

The second example I have seen over and over and over at work. I live by the maxim of be nice to everyone you work with. You never ever know who could be your boss. At the last place I worked, one of our testers wanted to transition into development. I was kind of doubtful at first, but I kept my opinion to myself. Again, I was glad I did because he ended up being my team lead.

Don’ts of Networking.

Don’t be a fan-boy or a fan-girl when you meet an author. Don’t dress up in costume. In this world, there is a difference between fans and collegues. You want to be perceived as a potential collegue.

Don’t monopolize someone’s time.

Do not expect your heroes to be as interested in you as you are interested in them.

Do not be scared to approach people in the right time or the right place.

Networking Avenues
Now that we’ve discussed the do’s and don’ts, let’s talk about some avenues appropriate for networking.

Conferences.

If you’re just starting out writing, attend panels and workshops and breakout sessions that teach the craft.
Keep a copy of the schedule, and mark the panels you attend.
Keep a record of anything interesting that an author said, and who said it. Keep track of who you talked to, and what questions you asked, and the responses you gathered.

After a while in your panels and workshops, you will start to hear the same things over and over and will get little value out of the lessons themselves. At that point, start attending your panels based on who’s speaking.

Participate when you go to the panels and workshops. Get to know people. Ask good, relevant questions and offer any relevant input of your own. Again, write down anything interesting that other people say, and who said that.

Be educated about the work that an author does. Be able to say what you like about it. If you don’t like it, at least demonstrate that you understand it, but you don’t need to share anything negative.

Be outgoing. Talk to the other attendees. Don’t assume that the other attendees are nobodys. They could be just like you or they could be someone who is very well-connected.

As you mature in your writing, and especially as you publish, you ought to have a goal of being a presenter at a conference. If you aren’t comfortable talking in front of other people, practice in smaller groups.

Book Signings

You can go to the big authors, but they won’t have a whole lot of time to chat with you, and you can’t expect them to remember you at all.

Go to book signings by local authors. It is always good if you have read something by them beforehand, especially their most recently-published work. Have a copy of their book of your own and ask to have it signed, and spend time chating. Local authors are a lot easier to talk to and they have contacts that are much more easy to get into than a big-name nationally famous author.

When you meet with people and chat, ask if they have a business card. Find out if they have a blog. If they do, go and read it. Comment on it, and link back to your own blog.

Readings
Look for readings that have a meet-and-greet. You want face-time with the author. Other than that, readings are a rather poor source of networking.

Lectures or Workshops
This is a wonderful opportunity to demonstrate your writing ability. Do participate. Look for opportunities to contribute and give back.

Your goal in networking
Your objective in all this is to become a part of the “discourse community,” part of the “in crowd”. You want to get in touch with the themes and ideas that authors are currently exploring. What do they currently care about? You are trying to become connected to the community.

Read these peoples’ blogs. Post comments on their blogs. Then when you go and see them in person, make reference to the article you commented on. What you are trying to do is match your face to your name.

Over time, you will find that your network matures. You will gain credibility among established professionals, and your opportunities will increase.

It's Just so Freakin' A

2010-01-20T18:26:00.000-08:00

I was talking with friends at work about how 20% of the American public doesn’t believe that we actually went to the moon.

Yeah, I’m serious, there’s people out there that actually believe the whole thing was a conspiracy by NASA and the US govt. Another friend said he met a guy once who swore that aliens have taken over every level of our government. My friend asked, “Is there any data to back that up?” The guy responded, “It’s out there, man,” and left it at that. Not to be out-done, I recounted a time I hired a friend of a friend to paint my house. I mentioned The Da Vinci Code, because it had just come out in the stores, and I and asked him what he thought. Big mistake. He spent the next three hours lecturing me about how the new world order had taken over the planet and the Illuminati were the real ones running the show.

That got my friends and me wondering. When someone comes up to you blurting something totally asinine, what do you say?

You can try to argue and convince the person that they’re wrong, but have you ever gotten anywhere that way? I haven’t. You can’t win an argument with people who can’t think critically. Personally, I live by the maxim that you can’t waste your life educating fools—there’s too many of them. So, what’s the best response? I think I have the perfect one.

Freakin’ A!

Rarely in life are the answers so simple. Freakin’ A! What does it mean? Well, it really depends on what the listener wants to hear—and that’s the sheer beauty of it. It can mean anything. I got one of my friends to try it out. He went home, and for the past two days he evaded every question he didn’t want to answer by spouting, “freakin’ A!” It worked pretty well.

“Hey, babe. Let’s go visit the art gallery this weekend. There’s a new exhibit of post neo-modern expressionistic bi-cubism. Supposed to be out of this world!”

“Freakin’ A!”

Pause.

Another very long pause.

(a couple days later, that weekend)

“So, are you ready to go?”

“Go where?”

“To the art gallery, like you promised.”

“Man, you heard it all wrong. I never said that.”

I did a Google search to see if anyone knows exactly what this phrase is supposed to mean. No one’s got a clue. It appears in print as early as the 1930s, but it’s probably a lot older than that. What people do agree upon is that it can mean literally anything, depending on the emotion you put into it. Let’s have a few examples to illustrate. Pretend a friend says something to you, and you want to make some kind of sympathetic response:

Anger: Dude, that mechanic charged me $450 for a stupid break-job. Freakin’ A!

Surprise: Check it out, I just won $20 playing power-ball. Freakin’ A!

Elation: Man, the Wildcats just won the eastern division playoffs! (high five) Freakin’ A!

Disappointment: Sorry, sweety, I had to cancel our tickets to the opera tonight. Boss says I gotta work late. Freakin’ A!

Acknowledgement: Hey, I’m gonna bail and catch an early weekend. Freakin’ A!

Swearing: $@$#-ing %$#@!-er!!! $#^ #@*$ it!!! Freakin’ A!

The politicians could sure use this. Picture Bill Clinton having to get up and address the nation over the Monica Lewinski scandal. He’s standing there, he looks straight into the camera and shakes his finger. “Freakin’ A!” The public would love it. They’d be saying to themselves. “Man, we’ve all been there. I know where he’s coming from!”

Bush, widely known for sticking his foot in his mouth, could have gotten out of so many tight spots. All he had to do was toss his hands in the air and say, “Freakin’ A!” The reporters would be in heaven. “The president, when asked today in a Whitehouse press conference about the missing WMDs replied, quote, freakin’ A, un-quote. And you know what, he’s right. Those Iraqis had it coming!”

So let’s role-play for a bit. Pretend I’m anyone. I come to you with something you feel needs a response because you’re trying to be polite, or I’m trying to back you into a corner and you want to remain non-commital. At the end of each sentence, just say to yourself, “Freakin’ A!”

Dude, I swear aliens have taken over our government.

Hey, can you come over this weekend and help me hang sheet-rock?

Bush lied to us, man. He, Bin-laden, and the Saudis were all in it together when 9/11 went down.

Son, did you mow the lawn like I asked you to?

Obama can’t be our president, he’s not even American.

Honey, does this dress make me look fat?

Don’t buy anything from China. They’ve taken over the new world order.

Honey, how do you like my new vegan recipe? It’s tofu artichoke eggplant surprise.

The earth is really flat. All that stuff about the space shuttle and satellites in outer space is just Hollywood bullcrap.

Gibbons, I need you to come in this Sunday and work on those TPS reports.

As a man, how often have I craved the perfect response when words failed me? How often have I been accused of not being communicative? What’s to communicate? What do I need to say? Just two simple words.

Freakin’ A.

Reading for Your Writing

2010-01-12T21:10:00.000-08:00

I once attended a class where a fellow student asked, “Should I read the classics?” She was referring to Dickens, Alcott, Shakespeare, Austin, Steinbeck, Hemmingway, etc, etc.

And I think I found the answer: not necessarily.

There’s a better question that ought to be asked, which is, “As a writer, should I read?” The answer to that is an emphatic yes! And you really, really ought to read from a wide range of genres. The follow-up question, then, is, “What should I read?”

And the answer to that is, “Only you can decide.” But, keep in mind this: you need to follow your passion. Find out what you like to read and learn what’s different about it that you think is flat and insipid or just plain doesn’t spark your interest.

You see, as a writer you ought to be reading not solely for entertainment value. You ought to be looking for two things:
Story.
Writing style.

Understanding Story
As far as story is concerned, you need to learn how to start looking at stories from an analytical point of view. There’s a whole host of things you need to ask yourself.

Theme: is there a “Big Question” in this story, or a “Big Statement” of some sort related to the human experience? Some books have a theme and some do not. Pay attention to how it is presented. A good author will take his characters through a series of experiences that will cause them to consider the Big Question from multiple angles, and leave the reader to ponder the solution on their own—or at least the author won’t ram the theme down the reader’s throat. As an example, the theme behind most Westerns is rule of law, and exploring the limits of law, and what to do in scenarios where the law is corrupt or broken down, and having the courage to stand up for your own convictions when everyone tells you you’re wrong.

Voice: this refers to the tone of the narrator. Voice is very prevalent in first-person stories, but it is also present in stories with a third-person or omniscient point of view. Think of the narrator as a character. Is the narrator’s voice happy or sad? Is the narrator’s tone cynical or hopeful? In a good story the voice will never, ever be neutral. The voice of a story sets the groove and the mood of the story throughout.

Concept: what is the pitch behind this story? What is the story’s angle that makes it unique? Look at plot devices and plot vehicles. Star Wars, for instance was about a young boy coming of age in the middle of a galactic war, and learning to use the Force as a power for good. The concept behind Treasure Island was the sea adventure and hunting for pirate treasure. The concept behind Star Trek is to boldly go where no man has gone before.

Structure: learn to break a story up into scenes. Look at the tension in a scene, is it rising or falling? Look at the emotional mood in the scene? Look at the scene from the plot perspective: are the stakes rising, broadening, or deepening? Or do we have breakthrough? Well-written scenes will have emotional tension balanced with a bit of the positive. Tension and rising stakes will be balanced with some kind of breakthrough

Character archetpes: archetypes are important to understand, because they create resonance with the reader, and they convey who each character is and their role in the plot. There are scores of archetype systems. None of them are the gospel truth, but they all have value in that they attempt to categorize characters from different stories into similar groups.

These are all very abstract concepts, but the better you understand them, the more vivid your writing will be. All of these things are very, very important, and each in its own way plays a role in the commercial success or failure of a story.

Writing Style
And as far as writing goes, there is a whole different set of things you need to be looking at, but the list is more specific:

Descriptive scenery: pay attention to the way authors describe scenery. What is the weather like? Is there a smell in the air? How do they describe physical things? Good authors will use language that conveys atmosphere, and describes what people are doing. Every scene has a vibe, an ambience. How is that mood conveyed?

Character descriptions: A good author will skip the police line-up facts (hair color, eyes, height, build), and will present details in a way that convey the character’s personality. Also, a good author won’t just paint a picture of a character, they will have the character make an entrance. What is their mood, as a character enters the scene, are they happy or sad? Do they glide in or stomp? Again, a good author will pick an action that conveys personality.

Gestures and body language. These will be sprinkled throughout dialog and action. Specifically, pay attention to how each of these conveys a character’s mood or emotional reaction within a scene. Pay attention to how it contributes to the emotional tension within each scene.

Internal emotions: This is related to the POV character within the scene (unless you’re in omniscient mode). Describe the emotions that the main character feels. As things happen within a scene there is always an emotional reaction (or there ought to be). How does the author describe it? Her heart sunk to the floor. My hopes rose like a balloon. My heart stopped, then picked up a double pace.

You see, as you read you are trying to build your own writing style. If you like a book or dislike it, or have some kind of strong reaction to it you need to ask yourself why. It is very important that you learn how to find this out, so that you can produce the same effect, or avoid it.

Conclusion
There are no right answers to the question of what you ought to read to improve your writing. The best answer is that you ought to read, and read a lot—but what you read only you can decide.

Of Mice and Magic

2009-09-29T00:19:00.000-07:00

Monday, September 28, 2009

I got to meet Dave Wolverton (who writes under the pseudonym, David Farland) at the Utah County fair (again). He does a lot for the writing community, and I learn from him every chance that I get. He has an email list called David Farland’s Daily Kick in the Pants. He also is a judge for the Writers of the Future contest, and I usually get to see him at the Life, the Universe, and Everything symposium every February at BYU.

So I picked up a copy of Of Mice and Magic, and decided to get it signed. It’s a beautiful book, with a nice illustration on the front, and excellent typography throughout. I hope someday a publisher will go all-out for me like that!

So, on to the five questions.

Did I finish reading it? Yes, but I’ll only give it half a star. More on why in the next question.

Am I interested in reading a sequel? No. My main problem with this book is that it was written for boys between the ages of 10 and 14. It has a lot of juvenile boy-humor (potty jokes, and gross stuff) that place it squarely in that market. If you liked Artimis Foul, you might like this book. Here’s a brief sample from chapter 1:

His mom’s eyes widened in surprise, and her face went as red as a pomegranate. She coughed up a McNugget. It arced over the table and plopped onto some bald guy’s neck. The fellow grabbed it, eyed it suspiciously, and then plopped it in his mouth as if it were manna from heaven.

Okaaay… I would have liked that when I was 12, but I’m 40, so no.

I have a theory that goes like this: You write to the audience that you pick, but if you want any chance of your book becoming “hotter than Potter,” as they say, then you have to appeal across a wide group of ages. I think this is one of the fundamental reasons Harry Potter was such a runaway success. Kids liked it, and parents could take it seriously. If at any point a parent feels like they’re reading a kid’s book, they’ll put it down.

Was the writing good? I’ve got to give full marks there. Farland really went all-out with the descriptive imagery. He’s really, really good at that, and his prose really pulls you in. I wish I could pick just one sample, but there are so many. Full star there.

Was the story idea interesting? Talk about originality! Okay, instead of having a human wizard and an animal familiar, what if the wizard was an animal and the familiar was the human?

This story is what I would call a beast-fantasy, where you have a fantasy tale told from an animal’s point of view. Animals can talk, and animals are the main characters. Also, Farland put together a really tight plot. It was suspenseful. It had lots of good epic twists that were nicely executed. He really put together a stellar tale.

Often in these tales you have animals making observations of human society, and it is a good opportunity for the author to make a commentary about human nature as posed by an outside observer. Farland pulls this off rather nicely.

Was the ending satisfying? I think a half star would be in order. The plot leads up to a nice dénouement, and the story comes to a nice tight finish, but I didn’t like the villain. When it was revealed who the villain really is (I won’t spoil it for you), I thought, hmmm, oh-kaaay.

Also, I thought that the ongoing quest by Amber and Ben of saving all the mice in the world was a little small-scale in the what’s-at-stake department. It’s difficult to make mice—feeder mice, at that—sympathetic characters.

Overall, I had really mixed feelings about this tale. I think the worst problem I had with it was that the story was written down to a juvenile level. In fairness, some people really like slapstick and lots of gross humor and stuff. I have a very low tolerance for cheap appeals.

Now for the nun rating! I am happy to report that the mother superior gives it her full recommendation, though she did grumble about the way Ben’s parents were caricaturized as being somewhat brainless and inept.

My verdict: three stars & five nuns.

---------------------------------------------------
And now for something completely different…

Tom’s list of top hates. I hate it when I watch a movie or read a book that has anything like this in the story.
1. Lots of gratuitous sex that’s put there because people like using sex to sell a story.
2. Innuendo and irreverent jokes about sex. I find such things callous tasteless. We are created in the image of God. I don’t think He likes it when we are disrespectful of his creations in this manner. He created sex, too—it’s not some necessary evil. It was intentional. It is private, and it is something that we ought to have more respect for. We’re created in the image of God. Treat our bodies with respect.
3. Toilet humor. I hate fart-jokes. I hate poop jokes. I kind of out-grew that a loooooong time ago, and when I see story-tellers using it to try and make me like their story I think, “man, are you so desperate for me to like your story that you have to use that?” I’m sorry…it just doesn’t work for me.
4. Slapstick. Again, this works if you’re a kid, but I’ve kind of out-grown it. I can tolerate a little, but less is more and a little goes a long way.
5. Bizzare stunts performed in a non-magical environment that flagrantly violate the laws of physics. I hate most James Bond movies for this reason. Can you say cheesy?
6. Characters falling down a mud-slide or a waterslide or any kind of slide. Damn, hasn’t this been so done to death, already? Seems like people have been putting this in movies since the 50s. Usually the characters will land in a pool of something at the end of the slide, like a puddle of mud or poop, or something gross.
7. Movies based on a book, where the story is so distorted from the original that it no longer resembles the plot. Sometimes Hollywood pulls it off nicely (Secret of NIMH, or Prince Caspian). But usually the result is HORRID! Best example is the movie Eragon, which had only the title in common with the movie (I doubt Paolini is complaining too much). IMO, the movie was sort of Eragon-themed, but that’s about the closest you can call it. Another example was A Wizard of Earthsea done on the Sci-Fi channel. Ugh! It was awful!
8. Movies based on a book where the screenwriter takes liberties and embellishes the story in ways that are not faithful to the book. Lord of the Rings was notorious for this. It’s like Peter Jackson said, hey, we gotta get a chick in there so let’s get Liv Tyler (hell, she’s hot) and totally embellish Arwin’s role. *Ugh* Sorry, Mr. Jackson. For Tolkien’s sake I’m glad the movie did as well as it did, but I just thought your movie adaptation was over-baked.
9. Excessive cussing. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn’t. I tried to watch the show, Dexter. I think the first three episodes used up my F-bomb quota for the rest of the year. The language was so over-used it was comical and cheesy. I know that some people like to cuss, but nobody cusses that much. C’mon.
10. Actors that simply can’t act. Man, nothing will make me stop watching a film faster. I start to feel stupid just sitting there.
11. Anything where they try to portray ghosts or witchcraft or the occult. That’s a little too close to not cool. Some of this stuff is very real, and it’s not anything you should flirt with.
12. Vampires. Blood and gratuitous sex. Ugh, what a mess. I watched the Underworld series because I thought vampires vs. werewolves would be an interesting story angle. But I couldn’t figure out who to root for. They’re both monsters. The world would be better off if a meteor fell on them and they all died. I had a hard time rooting for any of the characters.
13. Zombies. I did see night of the living dead (the original B&W version), and that was pretty cool. Zombie movies are usually about over-the-top violence and blood getting spattered everywhere. Nah, it just doesn’t work for me.
14. Rap. Just thought I’d throw that one in there. It really has nothing to do with books or movies.
15. Jar-Jar Binks. *shiver* *moan* Lucas...what have you DONE?

The Guitar Experiment

2009-08-28T21:12:00.000-07:00

On a whim I brought a guitar to work. I wasn’t sure how people would react, and was a little nervous that they would find it distracting. I keep it on a stand in the corner of my cube, and I put out an open invitation for anyone to come and play any time they choose.

What surprises me is how many people take me up on that offer. Quite often they will go out of their way just to stop by and “get a fix,” or “get it out of their system,” as they say. Some only know one song, and that’s all they can play. Some know a little blues, or jazz, or country. One guy is fairly proficient at bluegrass, and I find it enchanting to listen to. At times a crowd will form and they’ll pass the guitar around and talk music for ten minutes or so before drifting back to work.

I take the guitar with me just before its time to have a meeting. I only know chords, but I can sing and everyone likes to hear me play. They’ll ask me to play a song at random, and I’ll try and find the chords as I sing along. Quite often I’ll get it right—it takes a bit of practice, and some trial and error. I think I’ll look up some funny campfire songs on the Internet, and see what people think.

I served a mission for my church in Spain. I knew many kids that could play the guitar, and I was surprised at how often it drew a crowd. Friends would gather around, and everyone would sing together.

Today one guy asked me how hard it was to learn to play. I told him if you got a book and practiced two to three hours a week, you’d be proficient in about six months. Most of that time is required to build up coordination and finger strength, and good embrasure. He was very impressed with my advice, and told me he felt inspired to take up the hobby.

I get regulars, now, who wander into my cube throughout the day. They’re emphatic that playing helps open up their creativity. I’m learning that quite a few people are very passionate about music, and this has been a great way for me to meet others that I might never talk to, and make friends. Something about music draws people in. Even those who can’t play will stop and listen.

In ancient societies, members of the warrior class were expected to learn an instrument and be able to play a song or two. This was true of the samurai of Japan. They would practice calligraphy or write haiku or play an instrument to occupy their free time—which they had an abundance of when they weren’t fighting. The Vikings and the Saxons, and other Germanic tribes had similar customs. On long winter nights around the hearth in their mead-halls they would entertain each other. Someone would pass around an instrument, and everyone was expected to know something. It was especially important if you were a guest in the hall to be able to share some new song.

I take my guitar with me when I go on church camp-outs. When the sun goes down, I’ll walk from campfire to campfire. When people see me with my guitar they are always enthusiastic. They invite me to come and sit, so they can hear me play. They might never say a word to me, but they’re always friendly. Sometimes they’ll offer a drink or a snack. They’re always disappointed when I leave. I tell them that I have other campfires to visit.

Music brings people together in a very curious way. Even if you’re not that musical like me, it can be a powerful social enabler.

So get a guitar and take it to work. If you bring it, they will come.

Seven Habits of Highly Effective Writers

2009-08-04T19:40:00.000-07:00

People are often impressed when I tell them that I spend a lot of my free time writing. I am surprised at how many people have come up with story ideas, and are excited to tell me about them. If you’re serious about writing, here are seven things you ought to be doing.

#1: Apply butt to chair
You will never get that story written unless you sit down and do it. This seems like it would go without saying, but you’d be surprised at how easy it is to make excuses not to write. Writing takes a lot of self-discipline. I used to think that great writers are born, not bred. This might be true in some cases, but more than anything else you’ll find that great writers are just persistent.

#2: Join a critique group
You need to be able to take criticism, and you need to be grown up about it. Everyone’s writing needs improvement, and a critique group can help you spot areas where your skill is weak. However, if you’re going to get defensive then you might as well take up another hobby. You’ll never make it past your first rejection slip. Criticism should be respectful, courteous, focused, and specific. If all they tell you is, “I loved it!” then you need to find a new group.

#3: Take courses in writing
Writing fiction is not quite the same as writing non-fiction. Find a course on creative writing. Make sure it teaches how to write dialog, how to craft effective characters, how to construct scenery, how to show and not tell, how to create a plot, and how to use all five senses. Make sure the course requires homework, and has brief critique sessions every time you meet.

#4: Attend writing conventions, symposiums, and workshops
Conventions usually last a day or two, and offer courses of literally every kind. Most symposiums focus on a particular genre: romance, fantasy and sci-fi, thrillers, mainstream, creative nonfiction, etc. Some symposiums are free, but most require a registration fee.

You will get to meet published authors, and hear their words of advice. You will get to meet with agents and editors. You will get to attend workshops where you can get one on one attention for your work. You will make friends with other writers; but most of all, conventions will get you pumped up about writing—and that is vital.

#5: Read books on writing
You will need to build up a personal library of reading material. Find books that cover these subjects:
1. Dialog
2. Characters and Viewpoint
3. Story, Plot and Structure
4. Revision and Self-editing
5. Style

My favorites are:
1. The Lie That Tells a Truth, by John Dufresne
2. Characters and Viewpoint, by Orson Scott Card
3. Revision and Self Editing, by James Scott Bell
4. Plot & Structure, by James Scott Bell

#6: Join a professional association
Writer’s associations are designed to help you make friends and network with other professional writers in your local community and to help you stay excited about writing. They typically charge annual dues. Most associations hold symposiums during the year, and each month the local chapters will meet and have something different: critique sessions, short workshops, brief lectures, readings, etc.

#7: Learn about the industry
Writers love to write, but too often we forget that publishers have a business to run. In short, you are providing a commodity that they can turn around and sell. Learn how to put your writing in manuscript format. Learn what a query letter is, and when to use one. Learn how to write a cover letter. Learn how to write a summary for a novel.

Summary
There are probably a lot of other things I might add in this article, but these seven items will help you quickly pick up what you need to know. Above all else, remember that the best piece of advice is to stick with it. Every time I start writing something new I find it a little easier, and when I finish my work I find that I’ve gotten a little better. Good luck!

Jumper

2009-08-02T18:19:00.000-07:00

How many nuns would recommend a book? Four out of five? One out of five? I’ve reviewed six books so far. Many of them I gave glowing reviews, but with some of those I’ve wanted to give a stern warning for language, sex, and violence. My rating system, however, didn’t really measure that.

This morning I was mulling things over when Anna, my wife, suggested I rate each story by nuns. Five nuns would be the mother-superior rating. One nun would be for the poor soul who was imprisoned in the abbey by her wicked father who didn’t want her marrying, and all day long she thinks of her lover and has very impure thoughts.

After a little more thought, I decided to make things less subjective by setting some criteria:
• Five nuns = G. No foul language. No sex, although there may be plenty of sexual tension.
• Four nuns = PG. No sex and only mild innuendo. No f-bombs and only mild profanity.
• Three nuns = PG-13. One or two f-bombs. One sex scene, and not too graphic.
• Two nuns = R. Constant swearing. Two or more sex scenes.
• One nun = NC-17. Anything with a rape scene, or anything with very graphic sex. Erotica.

I’m not going to pay much attention to violence unless it is excessive or pointless. Even G-rated movies have violence in them. My kids get stressed out watching Bambi. Go figure.

Jumper
Steven Gould

It isn’t often that I can’t put down a book and read it straight through in less than a week. I saw the movie that this book is based on, and was thoroughly unimpressed. Don’t bother. After checking Wikipedia I learned that the movie was based on a book, and fans of the book were pretty upset. I checked the reviews on Amazon.com and learned that the book was very highly recommended.

Davey Rice discovers that he can teleport from place to place at will. After running away from home he spends his first few weeks just trying to keep out of danger. The plot is mostly character-driven as he works through the issues in his life trying to overcome a series of challenges of being a run-away child with no legal identification, and picking up the pieces of his life since his mother abandoned the family six years ago.

Did I finish reading? There were no dull spots in this book. Unlike a lot of books I’ve read, the plot keeps going right through to the end, and the action builds steadily. I didn’t want to put it down.

Would I be interested in reading a sequel? I wanted the story to go on. Davey confronts his demons by the end of the novel and the author wraps up things nicely, but I want two things to happen. First, I want to see him find out if there are other jumpers out there, or maybe there are people with other abilities like telekinesis or pyrokinesis or the ability to become invisible. Kind of like the TV series, Heroes. The other plot angle that needs to be explored is, what will he do with his ability the rest of his life? Sooner or later he’s going to run out of money at the rate he’s spending it. He doesn’t want to work for the NSA, but he has the potential to be a super-hero or something. With great power comes great responsibility.

Was the writing good? Yes. It was skillful and well-executed. Scenes were well-researched, and the way the characters acted felt truthful. You really felt for Davey as he worked through the issues that he faced. Gould chose to write this story from a first-person point of view, and that was probably best. We know what’s going on inside Davey’s head, otherwise he would be just another crazy, emo, punk kid. Very nicely done.

Was the story idea interesting? Definitely. I wished he spent more time trying to figure out the limits of his ability, or I wish he had tried to learn more about his ability earlier on in the book. I noticed that by the middle of the book there was no villain, and that started to bug me a little. How long could Davey go on trying to come to terms with his past, but then he saved a woman from an abusive husband who happened to be a cop. When the cop started investigating Davey, the story got really interesting. Then when the NSA got wind of his ability the tension mounted even higher. I like a plot to have this kind of structure, with an even balance of internal and external conflict to work through.

Was the ending satisfying? Yes. The plot went right up to the end, and in the wind-down Davey faced his personal demons and came to terms with them. I really like the story pattern that the author used. I think I would really like to emulate this form.

Final verdict:
• Overall rating: This book is a solid five stars. Very impressive, and not many stories hook me so thoroughly. I would love to see Davey in a sequel.
• How many nuns would recommend this story? Maybe one or two. Make no mistake, even though this book is YA, it is definitely not a story for young teens. The swearing is non-stop. There are several sex scenes, but they are not graphic, and the author does portray Davey as having some morals. There is a male rape scene by a gang of pedophiles near the beginning of the book, which I found rather disturbing.

I found that the story really turned on my creative side. Several times I had to put the book down and free-write for about thirty minutes, just to get all the ideas out of my head. I like a good story like that, something that really turns on the inner muse.

Two and a half years ago when I started writing in earnest, I felt embarrassed when I was forced to admit that as a wannabe writer, I was notoriously under-read. Until then my list of books consisted of Lord of the Rings, Narnia, Earthsea, and of course, Harry Potter. I’m glad to say that I’m finding more to read these days. I’ve read all kinds of stories from all kinds of authors. Some of them I think are wonderful, and some of them I ask myself how they ever got published. Most important, however, I am learning what kinds of things make a story great, and what authors I would most like to emulate.

The Art of Racing in the Rain

2009-07-23T18:16:00.000-07:00

Garth Stein

I've been writing lately--or trying to (all I have are lots and lots of notes), so I haven't made any posts in a long time. I have, however, done a lot of reading.

I was recommended this book by the other members of my writer's group. It is a very astute commentary on the human experience. The story is told in first person, from the point of view of a dog named Enzo. The title of the book comes from one of the other main characters, Denny, who is Enzo's owner and is a race car driver.

Did I finish the book? It was a pretty fast read. There were times when I was so mad at Denny's in-laws (I won't spoil it for you) I literally refused to put the book down.

Would I read a sequel? Half-star. Books like this don't tend to do well in sequel form. I would only be marginally interested. Also I'm not really a dog person.

Was the writing good? What I liked most was the author's insights, although I could have done with a few less F-bombs, or the frank manner in which sex was described? BTW, who can stand to have their pet in the same room when they're--er, never mind. TMI! One star. I would love to be able to write like this. Very nicely done.

I also love the references to the Seattle area. I lived there for six years and loved it (wife hated it though, and so eventually we had to move).

Was the story idea interesting? You know, a concept like this (i.e., a story told from a dog's point of view) can either be very, very good, or very, very bad. One star.

Was the ending satisfying? Absolutely. You know, I gotta point out that Denny was a real hero in the story. He had faults and bouts of temper and lapses of judgement, but when faced with some of the overwhelming adversity he displayed an inner strength of character that was stunning and noble. Full star for that.

Final verdict: 4.5

Fablehaven: Secrets of the Dragon Sanctuary

2009-07-22T22:09:00.000-07:00

by Brandon Mull

In fantasy literature, few things are as cool as dragons. It’s just one of those things. It’s universal, and it’s cross-culture.

I started reading Fablehaven about three years ago. I was waiting at the pharmacy at Smiths, and picked book one off the shelf. Five pages later it still hadn't lost my attention, so I went home and ordered it off of Amazon and have stuck with the series ever since. My favorite books in the series a toss-up between books two and three. My favorite artifact is the Quite Box (just the name gives me goosebumps). Don't know if I have a favorite villain, really. I didn't like Seth in book one. I thought he behaved unnaturally stupid; you would think being turned into a mutant walrus by a swarm angry pixies would teach him a lesson. In book two he was much-improved and in my mind more believable. I have to admit, though, I sort of like his devil-may-care attitude and his penchant for taking risks. Seth follows the trickster archetype to a T. I like Kendra, too. I like the way she is stable and careful about what she does, and I always root for her. Both characters are resourceful.

I’ll also point out, that by having two protagonists, a brother and a sister, Mull has managed to make a story with a very broad appeal.

Did I finish the book? I usually have no trouble getting distracted away from Mull's books. I remember reading book two and three inside a week. Full star.

Will I read the sequel? Oh, absolutely. I was a little worried at the end of book one. I picked up book two wondering if it would go anywhere, and if Seth was still an idiot I was resolved to quit the series. I was very much impressed, and have purchased all four books. I don't bother buying books when I can check them out at the library. These days, the only time I will add a book to my collection is when I think I'd like to refer back to it in the future.

Was the writing good? I didn't think it was very good. Either I've gotten more picky as my own writing has improved, or the author got sloppy on this one. For a good sample, here is the opening line:

Kendra Sorenson briskly scraped the head of a wooden match against the rough strip on the side of a rectangular matchbox. Cupping her hand to shield the new flame, she held the burning match against the blackened wick of a candle stub. Once the flame spread to the wick, she shook out the match, thin strands of smoke winding upward.

I'll leave it as an exercise for the reader to pick out all the repeated words, extra adverbs, unnecessary adjectives, and all-around bad economy of words.

The dialog throughout the novel was unnatural and wooden, with characters using wordy language and stilted, formal phrases. I would have to say the writing felt rather amateurish in some ways, and in other ways it felt sloppy and hastily done.

In spite of it all, I've actually read far worse, so I'll give it a quarter star. Mull is such a good story-teller. I wish he would take his time and apply more attention to his prose, or hire an editor (or get a better one).

Was the story idea interesting? Like I said before, Mull does a good job with story-telling, which is really what keeps me going, and why I buy his books instead of getting them from the library. He is very imaginative with the magical places that the characters have to go through. I really liked the shrine where the centuars hid the unicorn horn, and I really liked the secret dragon sanctuary, and I really liked the dragon temple. I'll have to add the knapsack with an extra-dimensional room inside that was large enough to store supplies, and for a bit of extra spice it is inhabited by a small troll. ROFL. Very, very nicely done!

Was the ending satisfying? There was a twist near the end, that I thought felt a little cheap. I won't spoil it for you. Also, there was an abrupt cliffhanger at the end, which I also found a little cheap. Half star.

Final verdict: 3.75 stars. The story was memorable, which is saying a lot. I continue to love the main characters. The book was well worth a read, and I had no trouble staying interested. However, I really felt that Mull (or Shadow Mountain Publishing) ought to have taken a little more time on this one. Enough said.

C is for Conflict

2009-06-16T22:13:00.000-07:00

Emotional conflict, that is.

Stories have more resonance when the primary conflict is framed against an internal struggle that the main character is working through. The TV series, Lost, does this beautifully. Every episode focuses on one of the cast members and something from their past life. Some event from their back-story is playing a role in the way they act and the way they make their decisions.

Personal conflict is the real driver in any story's tension. It doesn't have to be related to the overall plot, but it does have to be relevant to the character's role in the story. It is the reason why the character lends a hand to resolving the plot (as in the role of a hero), and it is also the reason the character opposes the resolution (as a villain would do).

It is the reason why the character behaves as the protagonist
It is the reason why the character chooses to become the villain

The real meat of the story isn't in what people do, but why they do it.

As a writer using this technique, you can build up to three levels of conflict:

Emotional struggle with some past issue
Character's actions, either as a direct result of the internal emotional struggle, or in finding resolution to these emotions.
The main conflict, which is the story's overall plot.

The emotional conflict can be any intense feeling. It doesn't have to be negative. The list can go on, and on, and on:

Curiousity
Jealousy
Envy
Pique
Hatred
Sexual tension
Unrequited love
Secret crush
Wants
Dreams
Vision
Fear
Mystery
Reversals
Sudden breakthroughs

In my recent short story, Counting Crows, each scene is laced with some kind of emotional tension. Here are some examples:

Opening: Megan challenges Devan to show her something that will make her believe he can do real magic. Ethne comes in, reprimands Devan for neglecting his chores, creating an uncomfortable moment for Megan.
The kitchen fire: Oma nearly burned down the house. Megan is in big trouble. Megan's life taking care of Oma is a huge burden.
Devan comes around: Megan is too busy to pay him notice.
Devan brings Megan a gift: Argument between Megan and her brother. She makes fun of Devan, who overhears.
The priest: Lynet resents him, and she resents Beoden's refusal to let Ethne come and treat her mother.
Megan goes to see Ethne: Ethne's noththere, and she has to mend things with Devan, instead.
Ethne and Devan come to look at Oma: Megan can't watch. She goes outside to be with Devan, and they talk about their belief in the afterlife.

I'll close with a little exercise. I'll use the TV show, Lost, because it illustrates my point so well. Here is a link to ABC's website. Click on "Watch Free Episodes," in the upper left. Pick a season, and then pick an episode. If you haven't seen the series, then start out at season 1. As you watch, take note from scene to scene, and pay particular attention to the type of emotional tension and how it drives what each character does.

The Villain Makes the Hero

2009-06-12T22:46:00.000-07:00

Entertainment Weekly recently did an article on the 20 best villains (April 3, 2009). It sparked my interest, so I decided to do a little research on my own. What I found was very surprising, and I'll share it here with you. My results are based more on gut feel than on actual scientific study. I didn't have access to any survey data, and I don't have any metrics other than how often a particular character appeared in a list, and how close to the top of the list the character appeared. Nevertheless, I think I can safely say who the top three movie villains of all time are.

The number one movie villain of all time has to be The Joker, from DC Comics. As a comic book villain he is absolutely unforgetable. As a character on the silver screen, whether played by Jack Nicholson or by Heath Ledger, he is epic. If the joker isn't numero uno on a list, he is always in the top ten.

Number two would be Hannibal Lecter. Can you say twisted? Anthony Hopkins had only 15 minutes of screen time in Silence of the Lambs, but his execution of that role was instantly seared into the public conciousness.

Number three would be Hans Gruber from Die Hard. You wouldn't believe how many lists he made it onto, and quite a few placed him at number one.

What are the other top villains? Here they are in order of precidence, as best as I could group them:

Michael or Vito Corleone, Godfather 1 and 2. I lump these together because one of the Godfather movies appears on most of the lists. "I'm going to make you an offer you can't refuse."
Norman Bates, from Alfred Hitchcock's Psycho. This was the seminal slasher horror movie. Even today, people who have never seen the film recognize references to the shower scene.
Jack Torrance, from Stephen King's, The Shining. He isn't number one by any account, but Jack Torrance is on literally every list out there.
Auric Goldfinger. I'll have to see this film again (since I don't even remember him). Nevertheless he ranked high on quite a few lists.
Count Dracula. Vampires have an enduring allure. Sex, gore, gothic wardrobe, sex, gore, gothic wardrobe.
Darth Vader. I really thought Darth Vader would have ranked higher than he did. There were quite a few lists where he didn't even rank.
Jaws. I remember the summer this movie came out. EVERYONE saw it. Don't go in the water. I know plenty of people who wouldn't go swimming in the ocean for years, afterwards.
HAL 9000. It's creepy way a computer, so trusted by the entire crew, turned on them and systematically began to wipe everyone out. Most people can't stand to watch 2001 a Space Odessy, but nearly everyone knows the quote, "I'm sorry Dave, I can't do that." The servant has risen against the master. The only thing missing is the wicked laugh, bwa-ha-ha-ha-haaaa!
The Wicked Witch of the West. I wouldn't have put this on my list in a million years. Her lines are corny, and her character so 1-dimensional, but you'd be surprised at how often she popps up. "I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too!"
Pazuzu, the demon that possessed the little girl in The Exorcist. There's something about the innocence of a little girl being so completely violated.
Katherine Trammell, from Basic Instinct.

Here are the comic book villains (minus The Joker) that most consistently ranked in the top ten:

Lex Luthor. He is always in the top 5. As a super-villain, he has no powers. He's the Godfather to the DC Comics universe.
Venom. A symbiotic suit that makes you turn evil. There is something so cool about seeing Spidey decked out in black. It enhanced his powers considerably, then it made him slowly turn evil.
Magneto
Jeane Gray, the Dark Phoenix
The Green Goblin.

In my opinion, it's the villain that makes the hero. Without Darth Vader, Luke Skywalker would be just another whiny, angst-ridden teenager. Without The Joker, Batman would still be pretty cool, but he wouldn't be nearly as memorable. Serlock Holmes was fairly popular in his own right, but it was Professor Moriarty that made people clamor for more. Last but not least, without Voldemort, Harry Potter would be a mediocre wizard, destined for a life of peaceful anonymity--and J. K. Rowling would be nowhere near as rich as the Queen of England.

So what do I, personally, look for in a villain? My favorites are the ones with good character development and back-story; but most of all, I like a villain that gets away, continually thwarting the hero time and time again. Here is my list of favorites:

Darth Vader
Voldemort
From Fullmetal Alchemist,
- Scar the vigilante,
- The seven Homunculi, and their masters, Dante and Hohenheim of Light.
The Goauld from Stargate Atlantis
From Heroes, the TV series:
- Sylar from Heroes
- Mr. Linderman from Heroes
Cloney the Sourge from the novel, Redwall. I haven't kept any of the other Redwall books, but Cloney the Scourge is just so awesome.

So that's it. I know, I know, you're probably going to think I missed one or two. Feel free to let me know what you think.

His Majesty's Dragon

2009-06-07T18:53:00.000-07:00

His Majesty's Dragon
Naomi Novik

Time magazing said, "Enthralling reading--like Jane Austen playing Dungeons & Dragons with Eragon's Christopher Paolini." I think the Jane Austin connection is very true to the mark. Austin's books were always about duty and one's place in society, and this book definitely fits that picture.

Did I finish the book? I had no trouble getting through the first two-thirds. Things dragged a bit from there, but picked up again quickly. In all, I had no trouble keeping with it. One star.

Will I read the sequel? Half-star. I do enjoy character-driven stories, but I also like the plot to have a strong focus. I want the hero to have a problem to work on. The story felt like all the action was happening elsewhere, and every now and again would involve the main character. My wife pointed out that this is how most of Austin's stories are. They focus more on the people and the period in history than they do on some cosmic struggle or epic quest. Also, this story had no real villain, unless you count Napoleon--unless you're French, in which case Napoleon is a national hero.

Was the writing good? Some books are satisfying to read even in their mundane parts, while other books bore me and I find myself scanning large sections and skipping page after page. Wish I knew what the difference was. I really like the rythm and the voice that Novik uses. It is very similar to what I try and do, and now that I have an example to follow I probably ought to pick up the sequel--if for no other reason than that alone. Yeah. The writing's good.

Was the story idea interesting? I'm mixed on this. Novik has a thorough knowledge of the British navy and the people of the early 1800's and what the cultured society was like--enough to create a very immersive milleu. That part was very well done. For me as an aspiring writer it really sets the bar. Novik even has names for all the dragon breeds, including names in French for the French breeds. Very imaginative. However, I wasn't convinced about dragons that can talk from the moment they hatch, or that something as large as a passenger jet can only fly at 35 miles per hour (a Cesna will stall at 55 MPH and in a dive tops out at well over 200 MPH). Still, there were never any parts where I found myself thinking that something was totally lame. Half-star.

Was the ending satisfying? Yes. The plot did slowly build up to a major battle, and the resolution was fairly interesting. Full marks on that.

Final verdict: 4 stars.

Diary of a Wimpy Kid

2009-06-07T17:39:00.000-07:00

Diary of a Wimpy Kid
By Jeff Kenny

Five stars. This is a kid's book, but something about the title clicked with me, and I knew it had to be good. The humor has enough of a sophisticated edge that adults will thoroughly relate. My mother-in-law bought this for my son, who is well on his way to being a wimpy kid someday. Greg Heffley, the main character, isn't as hopeless as Napoleon Dynamyte. He's more of an average kid just trying to survive jr. high amid a string of setbacks and reversals. Everything he tries ends up going wrong and blowing up in his face.

Did I finish the book? Yes. I probably shouldn't admit it, but I did it in one afternoon, LMAO.

Will I read the sequel? I think I'll have to go out and buy my son the next one. ;)

Was the writing good? It was rather true to form. People like nerd stories. Everyone remembers how bad things could get in middle school. Everyone can relate. The story itself was kind of episodic, going from one little thing to the next. There wasn't a whole plot, like you'd expect. Thankfully, the story wasn't full of juvinile exaggerations or unrealistic hyperbole.

Was the story idea interesting? You really got into Greg, the main character. It was easy to imagine all the situations he went through. Each story sort of tied into the rest, forming a loose story arc. The cartoons were funny as heck, too.

Was the ending satisfying? A bit of drama evolves near the end when Greg gets his best friend in trouble. The way he works things out ends up being rather hilarious. Very cute.

Binary Fingers

2009-06-04T22:50:00.000-07:00

There are 10 kinds of people. Those who understand binary, and those who don't.

Using both hands, most people can only count up to ten. They call it "base ten," but it's really base one--one finger for each numeric value until you run out of fingers at ten. This is the world of the mathemetically impaired. Straightforward, uncomplicated, and adequate for doing math up until you get to the first grade.

I, however, can count up to 1023.

Buyah!!

Fingers, it turns out, naturally conform to one of two states: extended (that's a one) or not extended (that's a zero). So, my thumb can be 2^0, my index finger can be 2^1, my middle finger can be 2^2, my ring finger can be 2^4, etc.

Here's a pic where I count up to sixteen. (Note, in computers we use the letters A through F for the numbers 10 through 15--it's a geek thing). If I use all ten of my fingers, I can go up to 2^11 - 1, which is 1023.

When using this technique, I recommend holding your hand low so your fingers point down. That way when you get to 4, people aren't as likely to get offended. Just a little hint.

Converting from binary to decimal is a snap. You only need to remember your powers of two. Here's how you do it.

Thumb is 1
Index finger is 2
Middle finger is 4
Ring finger is 8
Pinky is 16

You get the idea.

So, to convert from binary to decimal, just add up the fingers that are extended. So, if I have my thumb, index, and middle finger extended, that's 7. If I have my middle finger and my ring finger extended, that's 12 (or A, if you're a geek). If I have all five extended, that's 31.

See how easy it is?

Now for the fun part.

Doing addition in binary is a snap. Here's the basics:

 0      0     1     1
 0 +    1 +   0 +   1 +
-----  ----- ----- -----
 0      1     1    10

Most of this you should still remember from Kindergarten, right? It's 1 + 1 that throws most people. Since we've run out of digits (there being only two), we have to carry over to the next column, and that gives us 10--and no, we don't say "ten", we say "one, zero". This is base two, remember? "ten" doesn't exist. Just get it out of your head.

So if we wanted to add, say 0101 to 1001, we would do it like this (Remember to carry the 1 in the right-most column.)

 0101
 1001 +
--------
 1110

If you really want to get into it, you can use your left pinky as a sign bit, and do negative numbers. This cuts your positive range in half, but you can go from +511 to -512. I recommend using 2's compliment instead of 1's compliment. Addition and subtraction are the same (binary is so cool!). What's more, using Booth's Algorithm, you can do multiplication. Your range for the two operands is limited to -15 to +16 (that's five fingers for each number you want to multiply). Your result will be all ten fingers. For division, it will be in reverse. Your numerator will use all ten fingers, and the denominator will use five.

You will have to have 2's compliment down before Booth's algorithm makes any sense, but it is pretty straightforward. Google it, if you're interested.

Some would argue that memorizing the times tables up to 16 would be easier. That might be true for some people. In computers we make trade-offs like this all the time. We use memory when memory is abundant, and we use algorithms when memory scarce.

Some would argue that it would be faster to just use a calculator.

Calculators are for wusses.

Elantris

2009-05-20T22:17:00.000-07:00

Elantris
Brandon Sanderson

An intriguing mystery of a paradise fallen.

I'll cover first the things I liked.

I liked the way this story isn't your typical, defeat-the-villain, twelve-volume, epic oddsey. There are no dragons or vampires (there's a bit too much of that these days). The story satisfies me quite a bit on that level--in fact, I remember reading reviews on Amazon.com, and the most common compliment about this story is its originality.

I liked the main character, Reoden. I liked the way he was resourceful. I liked the way he was clever. I liked the way he kept a positive outlook in spite of being damned for eternity. Not a whiner, he took it all in stride and made the most of his situation. I liked him for his intelligence, and I liked the way he developed during the story. Nicely done.

I like the setup for this story. Sanderson did a good job in the prologue, painting an idylic scene that would last for an eternity, then said, "eternity ended ten years ago." I love the opening line, "Prince Reoden awoke early that morning completely unaware that he had been damned for all eternity." How can you put a book down with an opening like that??? Nicely done.

I thought the magic was nicely done. I like stuff that has runes or glyphs that symbolize things. Kind of hard to picture them being drawn in thin air, though.

I really, really like the mystery aspect to this tale. The Elantrians are fallen exalted mortals. What made them fall? Why is their city crumbling to ruins after only 10 years? Why is it covered in slime? Why does the magic no longer work? I love the way it is Reoden's quest to determine all these things, and he systematically works through his problems one by one. Nice.

I appreciate the amount of time the author spent on the back-story for all the various races and cultures and political manoverings, etc. However at times I felt like I was drinking from a fire hose. I would have gotten into it had it been introduced more gradually. Since I'm not a big fan of Earth history, why would I get into an imaginary history?

What could have been better?

The plot drags in places. The book is filled with scenes that could have been cut, making the whole story tighter and much more intense.

I didn't like how the POV rotated between the three main characters from one chapter to the next. I found myself scanning four or five pages at a time to get through less relevant scenes. There are much better techniques for keeping up the story lines when you have multiple main characters.

It also bothered me that the fix for AonDor was so easy. Why handn't any of the original Elantrians seen the solution and simply fixed it?

Okay. Now for the score.

Did I finish reading the book? 1/2 star. I scanned too much of the text to give it a full star. If you're going to keep my attention for 638 pages, you need to keep things moving along.

Am I interested in reading a sequel, assuming there was one? No. Raoden was the only character that held my interest throughout the story. Hrathen had his glory moments, but he isn't memorable and that's crucial for a villain. Serene was interesting sometimes but by the end of the story I'd had my fill of her.

Was the writing good? Yes. I can't fault Sanderson for that. He did a good job. I never girtted my teeth or felt like his prose lacked skill in any way. I would expect nothing less, since he teaches creative writing at BYU.

Was the story idea interesting? Yes. I loved the mystery of a fallen paradise, and one man's quest to restore its glory. Fresh and original.

Was the ending satisfying? Yes, more or less, although it could have come much, much sooner.

Final verdict: 3.5. I can give this book my solid recommendation. Very original, yet still faithful to the genere. If you've read this book and liked it, feel free to post your comments!

Veil of Lies: A Medieval Nior

2009-05-16T18:20:00.000-07:00

Five stars. I measure a book by five simple criteria. A star is awarded for each question, and the total is my overall rating.

Did I finish reading it? You might think this is a trivial question, but I am ruthless with my time. I won't stick with a book if the writing is sub-par, or if the main character annoys me, or if the story is going nowhere.

Am I interested in reading a sequel, assuming there was one? I chose this question carefully, because it says quite a bit about how interested I was in the story, and how much I liked the characters. I've read quite a few books all the way through and at the end thought, "That's nice. And now, on to other things..."

Was the writing good? I am a stickler for the craft. We've all read novels where we gritted our teeth through all the bad cliches, violations of POV, abuses of passive voice, telling and not showing--you get the idea.

Was the story idea interesting? This measures a lot of things: originality, milieu, the beginning hook, development of the story, etc.

Was the ending satisfying? I think this one goes without explaining.

Veil of Lies by Jeri Westerson does not fail to impress. Think of a 50's era detective noir set in England during the reign of Richard II (Late 1300s). Add to that a holy relic which makes anyone in its presence unable to tell a lie, and you have an awesome story. Well steeped in the time period, the story is filled with vivid portrayals of common life in the middle ages Westerson took great pains to ensure historical accuracy. People who like reading stories from this time period won’t be disappointed.

I really liked Crispin Guest, the main character. A former knight who was stripped of his rank after being implicated in a plot against Richard II, he now makes his living as a private detective, or “tracker” as he calls himself. He finds stuff. Or he finds out stuff. Crispin Guest follows the anti-hero archetype rather well, and Westerson pulls it off nicely. Forced to live on the seedy side of town, Guest doesn’t always play by the rules. Law and brutality went hand in hand during this time. I especially like his servant, who is a street urchin that he rescued from being hung, who can pick locks and swipe things and spy for him—and he cleans up the room where he and Guest stay when the mood strikes him.

My rating: five stars.

Fiction that Endures

2009-05-12T22:41:00.001-07:00

I find the study of fiction fascinating. Why do we tell stories? This began a quest that has been both rewarding and enlightening.

On the surface one might say that people read stories because they want escape. They want to be entertained. That alone didn't satisfy me, because for me it wouldn't justify my wanting to become a writer. Why, then, does the world need another story about cat-eared aliens or tiny elves? I was looking for a contribution that would be more lasting.

I stumbled on an essay that was written in 1918. I found it very enlightening. You can find the entire article here.

Fiction is a means of telling truth. It is the human experience, distilled, and placed in a setting where those experiences can be lived vicariously. Have you ever read a story, and had an overwhelming feeling that the author was telling a true story, only to find out later that the whole thing was made up? For a perfect example, how many people have listened to (or read) the lyrics of "In the Air Tonight" by Phil Collins? (here is a Wikipedia link) I bring this up as an example because it is short, and it illustrates my point entirely. People ask Phil Collins all the time to tell them what was the story behind this tale? He says there is none. He made it up in a moment of creative passion.

If you hear a story and are compelled to wonder if it was true, and the answer matters to you somehow, then (in my opinion), fiction has done its job.

Along these lines, here are my favorite generes, and the way the human condition is explored. I don't think any one story encompasses all of these elements; merely, any given story that is well-written will explore at least one of these themes in depth.

Science Fiction:

A newsweek article I read stated, "Science fiction, by nature, comments on the time in which it's made, pustulating a future that is either better or worse depending on what we make of the present.

On the list of writer's guidelines for "Asimov's Science Fiction Magazine," we find this bit of advice: all fiction is written to examine or illuminate some aspect of huan existence...in science fiction the backdrop you work against is the size of the universe.

Man against the universe

Dealing with the moral and ethical delimas of scientific discovery

Man dealing with the speculative limitations of biology, physics, ocial science, mathematics, or logic

Fantasy

Considers one or more aspects of human nature when stretched (usually supernaturally) beyond the extreme.

Man against the supernatural

Man attempting to understand the nature of life, and the reason for existence.

Questions of morality, principle, and duty.

counting crows

2009-05-10T17:17:00.000-07:00

Counting Crows

This story was a study in writing from a female point of view. Women think very differently from men, and they see the world in a different way. Home and hearth are important, and they value relationships much more than men do. Anyway, I hope you’ll like this one.

     Devan was an odd fellow, that was true enough. “Uncanny” was the word some people used. Most said he liked to keep to himself, and that it was perfectly normal. Megan, of course, never gave much thought to hearsay, and when she came upon him while walking through the forest near their farm, she had to stop for a second look.
     She did not recognize him at first. The boy stood in a clearing with his back to her, staring heavenward and murmuring softly. His woolen tunic sagged over one shoulder, soiled and muddy; and he wore no belt. For shoes he had only a pair of sandals. Golden rays flitted through the branches, and patches of gleaming leaves danced and shifted with the spring breeze. Devan waved a short stick as he spoke, as if making a tally. A flock of crows played in the trees overhead, calling to each other with shrill voices.
     Megan followed his gaze, peering into the branches. “Whatever are you doing?”
     Devan jolted as if lightning struck, then wheeled to face her. His eyes darted about, but seeing only a girl he swallowed and appeared relieved. “I didn’t hear you. What do you want?”
     She stared for a moment. “You’re Ethne’s son--the wise woman.” Long and skinny like any boy of sixteen, wild reddish brown hair sprouted from Devan’s head, and light freckles spotted his face. Though they knew of each other, Devan and his mother lived quite a distance from Megan’s farm, and Megan’s family no longer followed the old traditions.
     Devan bobbed his head. “You’re Beoden’s daughter.” He let his gaze roam freely over her light blue dress and her long brown hair, stopping as their eyes met.
     Megan frowned. “You’re a right mess,” she said. “What have you been doing?”
     “You’re one to talk. There’s dirt all over your face.”
     “There is not.”
     “You’ve been crying.” Devan stared more intently, though his eyes were not unkind. “You’re not lost, are you?”
     “Hardly.” Megan pulled out a cloth and dabbed at her cheeks. In truth she had been crying. She often came to these woods so she could think and be alone, but that was none of his affair. “I was on my way back, and I heard you.”
     Devan made no response, but merely stared.
     “You were chanting something,” Megan pressed.
     “What of it?”
     “What were you saying?”
     “Just a rhyme. It’s nonsense, really.” He gave a smile--ever so quickly, Megan thought.
     She stared at the trees where he had been looking. A large crow cocked its head, then spread its wings and flew away. “You’re throwing things at the birds.”
     “I wasn’t.” Devan looked down at the stick in his hand, then tossed it into the bushes. “You wouldn’t understand such things.”
     Megan smirked. “Go on! You think that just because I’m a girl, I--”
     “I said nothing of the sort.” He stared at her then in a way Megan wasn’t sure she liked. She was ready to turn and leave when he spoke again.

One for joy
Two for pain,
Three for sun
Four for rain,
Five to grant a secret wish,
Six for first love’s tender kiss. . .

     Devan shrugged. “Anyway, that’s how it goes.”
     Megan wrinkled her brow.
     “Have you never heard that before?”
     “No.”
     Devan turned and gazed into the branches. “They say if you see a flock of crows you can tell the future by counting their number.”
     “That’s foolish.”
     “Is it?” He gave her a glance, then stared into the branches above them.

Seven for sickness
Eight for dying,
Nine for laughter,
Ten for crying. . .

     “It goes on like that for quite a bit.”
     “And how many did you count?” Megan asked.
     Devan gave her an arch look and grinned. “I shan’t say.”
     Megan smirked and rolled her eyes. “Such clever nonsense! The things you learn, being the son of a witch.”
     “Indeed.”
     “Father tells me not to believe in any of it.”
     Devan folded his arms. “And do you believe everything your father tells you?”
     “Why shouldn’t I?”
     “He can’t know everything.” Devan gave her a sideways look.
     Megan scowled. She wasn’t sure she liked his tone; yet her curiosity continued to prevail and she did not leave. “Perhaps. Can you show me real power?”
     “If I chose.”
     “Well you’ll have to do better than counting crows.”
     Devan thought for a moment, then glanced toward a flowering currant bush and pointed. “Do you see that butterfly?”
     Megan followed his look, then nodded.
     Devan raised his finger and became still. After a moment of silence his lips parted and he spoke, barely a whisper. “Luatha, hemm!”
     The creature fluttered on command, bobbing as it circled to gain height against the breeze, then flew straight as an arrow’s shaft until it lighted on the tip of his finger.
     Megan knit a brow and gave him a narrow look. Not quite sure what to say, she could only stare. A breeze sighed in the trees.
     Devan grinned to himself and chuckled; yet as he caught her look his smile quickly melted. He shook his hand and looked down. “It’s nothing.” He stepped back. “More of a trick, really.”
     Megan’s eyes followed the butterfly as it flitted away. She stared after it for a moment, then turned to him with a mystified smile. “Do it again.”
     “There you are, worthless boy!” A shrill voice called.
     They turned as a woman approached. Short, with hair flaming red and piercing eyes, she stalked into the clearing carrying a large basket filled with tubers and herbs. A brace of hares hung from her belt.
     Ethne.
     Like her son, the witch was soiled from head to foot. Her unkempt hair was tied back in a bushy pony tail. She frowned as she looked from Devan, then to Megan, then back at Devan. “Have you got any, or have you forgotten what I sent you to do?”
     “I found a whole bunch, right there.” Devan turned and pointed at a nearby log. Thick moss spread across its bark, and tiny brown mushrooms sprouted in small clusters.
     “Right. Well done, then. Where’s your basket?”
     Devan’s mouth fell open, and he shifted nervously. “I think I left it by the brook. I’ll have to go fetch it.”
     Ethne’s eyebrows contracted until she looked like a hawk. “Off mucking about, again. You’d forget your head if it wasn’t stuck to your shoulders.”
     Devan jumped as if burned, and began plucking handfuls of mushrooms while his mother glowered. “Gather as many as you can carry,” she said. “That lot’ll do.”
     Megan sidled away, but stopped as the woman turned toward her and smiled. She was missing several teeth, and her left eye had an inward cast. Freckles spangled her nose and cheeks. “How fares your grandmother?”
     Megan wasn’t sure what to say, but soon found her tongue. “Well enough, I suppose.”
     “Hmph! Beoden is stubborn as a goat. I could lend a hand but he won’t hear of it. I gave him his name when he was a babe. Did you know that?”
     Megan blinked, but said nothing.
     “No, I’ll wager you didn’t. I’ll come look after your grandmother if he sends word. Dumb as an ox, that priest of his.”
     “Yes ma’am.”
     Ethne stared for a moment, then shooed the girl away. “Off you go, then. Devan has work to do. No time for pretty faces.”
#
     Now that they had met face to face, Megan took notice whenever she saw Devan. One day he came down the road beside their farm, driving a small herd of goats. Busy with a cow she was milking, she barely took notice before returning to the task at hand.
     A few days later she spotted him fishing along the riverbank. She had gone after a goat that had gotten out of its pen, and chased it quite a way downstream before catching it.
     A week later she saw him again on the road that went past their farm. He led an ass, laden with two large bundles of firewood. She stopped her work then and took notice, remembering that afternoon in the woods, and wondering how he managed that little trick he showed her. Devan turned just then and caught her eye. He grinned and waved. She returned his smile, but at that moment her mother called her away and she thought no more of the boy, who it seemed, could summon creatures at will.

This is, of cours, only an exerpt of the whole story. That’s all I can post for free online. If you would like to read the rest and offer a critique, let me know. Email me at “gorion” at “email” dot com.

That’s all I can post for free online. From me to you, hot from the forge.

The Legacy

2009-05-05T18:35:00.001-07:00

I came across these lyrics while perusing old 70’s songs I remembered from the radio. As I listened to the words, this one sparked my imagination instantly, and I had to drop what I was doing and spend the next 20 minutes free writing.

The Leader of the Band
Dan Fogelberg

An only child, Alone and wild
A cabinet maker’s son
His hands were meant for different work
And his heart was known to none.
He left his home and went his lone
And solitary way
And he gave to me a gift I know
I never can repay

A quiet man of music
Denied a simpler fate
He tried to be a soldier once
But his music wouldn’t wait
He earned his love through discipline
A thundering, velvet hand
His gentle means of sculpting souls
Took me years to understand.

The leader of the band is tired
And his eyes are growing old,
But his blood runs through
My instrument
And his song is in my soul.
My life has been a poor attempt
To imitate the man
I’m just a living legacy
To the leader of the band.

My brothers lives were different
For they heard another call.
One went to chicago
And the other to St. Paul.
And I’m in Colorado
When I’m not in some hotel,
Living out this life I’ve chose
And come to know so well.

I thank you for the music
And your stories of the road.
I thank you for the freedom
When it came my time to go.
I thank you for the kindness
And the times when you got tough
And, papa, I don’t think I
Said I love you near enough.

The leader of the band is tired
And his eyes are growing old,
But his blood runs through
My instrument
And his song is in my soul.
My life has been a poor attempt
To imitate the man
I’m just a living legacy
To the leader of the band.

I am the living legacy
To the leader of the band.

The tale spoke to me of a wizard who lived a solitary life, and passed on what he knew to his only son, who went on to do great things. His father’s memory was a strength, and helped him through some of the more difficult decisions of his life.

So here’s your exercise of the day. Pick a song you remember from long ago, or one that’s popular on the radio today, and free-write for 20 minutes.

Post your comments here, and let me know what comes out of your forge.

Mexican Salsa (muy sabrosa)

2009-05-02T21:20:00.000-07:00

This is my favorite recipie. I compiled it from several sources and tweaked it until it came out just right. This recipie is family-sized (My wife and I have five kids), so if you use my measurements, you'll need a very lage bowl.

6 tomatos, peeled
1 white onion
4 Jalapenos (with seeds)
2 chopped Anaheim peppers
¼ cup of white wine vinegar
¼ cup of lime juice
Two 6oz cans of tomato paste
½ cup of chopped cilantro
1 to 2 tablespoons of salt (to taste)
2 tablespoons of chili powder.

Optional:
1 to 2 cloves of garlic (a little goes a LONG way)
1 chopped avocado
Corn
Black beans
Black olives

You can mix all this up in a blender, but the tomatos turn frothy, and the whole thing comes out like runny ketchup. I prefer my salsa chopped. I have one of those hand-crank food processors that does a perfect job.

There are four important ingredients which make a good salsa taste astonishingly great. First of all, the tomatos should be peeled. If not, the salsa will acquire a bitter aftertaste after a couple of days. To peel a tomato, cut a cross in the bottom with a very sharp knife, then submerge it in boiling water for about 45 seconds. After you pull it out, the skin will come right off.

Some recipies say that the tomatos should be seeded. You can do that if you like with this recipie, but it will make the salsa very chunky (a real Mexican would call it pico de gallo). I leave the seeds in, that way I don't need to add water.

The second magical ingredient is lime juice and vinegar. You can experiment with the ratio to suit your taste. Vinegar is one of those things that just by the smell you would never guess it could bring out so much flavor--but it does.

The third magical ingredient is salt. Add it in a little at a time. Remember, once it's in there, there's no turning back. Salt also brings out the flavor.

The fourth magical ingredient is cilantro. Not everyone likes cilantro--I'll admit it's an acquired taste. But man, you have to admit, this is what God intended it for. It adds that special je ne sais quois (I'd render that in Spanish if I knew the correct phrase).

Now as far as heat goes, all the recipies say to add one jalapeno, but I find that in this recipie even with four, the salsa is only mildly spicy. If I really wanted it good and hot I'd add six to eight.

So give this a try, and let me know how it comes out!

The Beauty Queen and the Blogger

2009-05-01T19:38:00.000-07:00

It's all right to offend conservatives. Whatever your reason is, they probably deserve it. Anyone else is off limits, though; or you're a hate-monger, you're a racist, you're un-american--and if you're Perez Hilton, you're a dumb b****.

Just about everyone's heard about the Miss America peagant scandal. How can you not? The latest to weigh in on this issue is the director of Miss California USA Pageant officials. They released the following statement: "We are deeply saddened Carrie Prejean has...[gone] beond the right to voice her beliefs and instead reveals her opportunistic agenda."

For a re-cap, here is her response, verbatim: "In my country--In my family, I think that I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman. No offense to anybody out there, but that's how I was raised, and that's how I think it should be--between a man and a woman."

That doesn't sound to me like she's got an opportunistic agenda. She definitely has an opinion on the matter, but she's being respectful and we know where she stands on the issue, and she doesn't go into any details.

There are two things going on here. The first, and most obvious, is that the pageant officials are trying to distance themselves any way they can from Prejean's response. The subtext, however, is one of excoriating rebuke.

I have to wonder. Would the Miss California panel be equally outraged if Prejean had responded that she was for gay marriage? Most likely not. There is a double-standard out there. People talk about tolerance and acceptance, but in reality they mean tolerance and acceptance according to a specific point of view. To go contrary to an opinion that the media dubs as "approproiate" is considered hateful, narrow-minded, bigoted, and un-american. To illustrate my point, remember actor Tom Hanks' remarks, when he recently accused The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints of being "un-american" for supporting California's Proposition 8. The LDS church's response was very short and to the point: there is nothing more American than being able to exercise your freedom of speech and stand up for what you believe in. I think the Miss America pageant is the perfect forum for Prejean's response, whatever her opinion was on the matter.

Power to you, girl! Well played.

But here's something else to consider, who vetted these questions? I hear people everywhere saying, "the Miss America pageant was not the proper forum for that sort of response." Well if that were true then why was that question approved to begin with? I'll ask again, would these same people think her response equally inappropriate if Miss Prejean said that she supported gay marriage?

That one, dear reader, I'll leave for you to decide.

There you have it. From me to you, straight from the forge.

From the Forge

2009-04-30T20:01:00.000-07:00

The creative fire burns in all of us, and tapping into that flame is the quest of every artistic soul. "From the forge" is a phrase that popps into my mind continually. For me it symbolizes anything that is born during a moment of intense creative passion. Ideas from the forge are striking in their beauty, astonishing in their uniqueness, and inspiring in their form. I live for the thrill of seeing something new, and the surprise of watching it unfold for the very first time.

My vow to you, the reader, is that this will never be a blog about the mundane things that Tom Abbott is doing. No one wants to read a minute by minute update of every moment of someone else's life. This will never be a blog about my five favorite kinds of soda pop (unless I have something relevant to say on the matter), life from the point of view of my cat (unless I have some striking new insight in the way they live their lives), or preachy diatribes and political rants (unless they're well thought-out, honest, and respectful).

I also promise to keep my posts short. :)

Short, and always, straight from the forge.